tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post4395879438264932704..comments2023-08-23T08:43:49.703-07:00Comments on Hesses Madhouse: In My Own Defense - Read it ALL before you judgeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-16954155242992428852011-08-06T15:09:57.671-07:002011-08-06T15:09:57.671-07:00Just finished reading your post and totally in sup...Just finished reading your post and totally in support of both your strength and your wisdom. I wasn't as strong. Or wise. If I had been, maybe my 34 year old son with a wife and three kids wouldn't be coming to his father and I ever other month because he is short the rent. Thank you for your teaching. And your compassion. I Wish I could have had the benefit 34 years ago!Diane Stringam Tolleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09629946536985545457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-75233508764560301942011-06-30T08:18:45.864-07:002011-06-30T08:18:45.864-07:00I too make my kids make their lunches. I work at t...I too make my kids make their lunches. I work at the HS and can't do it all. Won't do it all either. We had an episode with getting dressed with #2. He has gone in PJs (which doesn't bother him) until his PJ choice was his dad's old Tshirt. It was awful for him, but came to his knees. Many moms thought I was awful. The student reactions at school were funny to me: yet I did send his real clothes with the principal who had a great talk with #2. It didn't cure him totally, but it worked mostly. Maybe I should have let him wear the shirt all day? I think we're both ok moms.Maui Mammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10894082553192655455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-63337303251176719282011-05-26T10:28:27.611-07:002011-05-26T10:28:27.611-07:00J, I too would have caved and found something for ...J, I too would have caved and found something for him to eat. This is why you are the better parent and I am still learning from your example. Glad you're here so we all have that opportunity.<br />Much love,<br />LLillianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09594682896125527663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-15913383679042107372011-05-01T23:31:57.763-07:002011-05-01T23:31:57.763-07:00This post is one of the reasons I keep coming back...This post is one of the reasons I keep coming back. There is so much I need to learn about being a mom. For nine years I have been getting so much wrong.<br /><br />I am raising a "dependent" child, and it scares me. Other than he loves the Lord and has a generous, loving heart, I have a long way to go.<br /><br />Thank you for your guidance, and don't feel you needed to post this, just that it felt good to do it. (If you know what I mean.) =)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15972430229339449257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-25525931776641292962011-04-09T13:29:44.083-07:002011-04-09T13:29:44.083-07:00I applaud you for helping your children learn resp...I applaud you for helping your children learn responsibility! I am a nanny and have been for awhile. I see the children who learn responsibility and the ones who don't. I firmly believe in the Love and Logic Book by Dr. Fey. It has saved me so many times in teaching responsibility and how to teach a child to solve their own problems. Boo to those who've judged you harshly! Your child will be much more capable in dealing with the world when he grows up because you chose to teach him small lessons as he grew. You deserve Mother of the Year! You're awesome!!!James and Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08059566228299648129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-86761855447390050742011-04-02T06:37:44.877-07:002011-04-02T06:37:44.877-07:00I am with The Warden on this one - I'm sorry y...I am with The Warden on this one - I'm sorry you felt you had to defend yourself. However, it's a normal reaction when one is attacked. I'm so happy you found out about The Pledge! This is a perfect example of why it is needed. Please be sure to join our community, and share this post on Twitter using #themompledge.Elizabeth Flora Rosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11729450308659877966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-47249516251439732682011-04-02T05:04:50.801-07:002011-04-02T05:04:50.801-07:00And #3 makes wonderful grades and got into all the...And #3 makes wonderful grades and got into all the schools she applied to. I didn't say she's doing great because she hasn't left home yet. Sorry, kid.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-33855365367046569842011-04-02T05:02:06.720-07:002011-04-02T05:02:06.720-07:00With six prisoners, you can't do it all. I fai...With six prisoners, you can't do it all. I failed miserably trying to get my three to make lunches. #1 Bought lunch at school everyday --which was cool with me. #2 Her school lunches sucked, and she refused to buy them. The stink pot told me she didn't care about lunch and just wouldn't eat. She'd continually refuse to make her lunch--had money to buy a lunch--but the spoiled thing wouldn't eat that stuff. I went back to making her lunch again when her friend left school sick and she said, "May I have your lunch?" I was SO embarrassed! Child #3 - We keep $1 Lunchables in the the fridge and she'll eat when she gets home. There are days she's gone without lunch, but dang it! She's 18 a legal adult, and I told her I'm done making her lunch. So they can rag on me too. Raising kids was tough, but we're about done. Empty nest here we come! And believe it or not, even with our lack of effective parenting, the older two are doing great.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-45815711162721698452011-03-22T15:28:58.697-07:002011-03-22T15:28:58.697-07:00I whole-heartedly agree with the way you chose to ...I whole-heartedly agree with the way you chose to handle the situation AND I just picked up a Lovve and Logic book at the library today because of you :)Alida B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16666218270564984697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-56285601805924550282011-03-09T14:07:05.783-08:002011-03-09T14:07:05.783-08:00I'm new to this drama also, but I enjoyed the ...I'm new to this drama also, but I enjoyed the example. My children learned responsiblity early and had daily jobs charts. They are both very good workers today and keep neat homes. <br /><br />I remember a time they inadvertantly broke someone's window with a water balloon (and launcher.) They paid half the price of the window form baby-sitting and paper-route money. <br /><br />They learned that there are consequences even for mistakes, but also there is mercy (we paid the other half).<br /><br />I'm not saying you should have given your son mercy--2 1/2 hrs is not forever. I used to tell my students who thought they needed a drink in the middle of class-we can go three days without water and up to 30 days without food. I was still a favorite teacher.<br /><br />Hang in there, someday they'll pass your teachings on to their children and the grandbabies are sooo worth the patience.susan dayleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02409748278145665350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-10398673064655304792011-03-06T06:52:59.322-08:002011-03-06T06:52:59.322-08:00Darn it. I missed the drama and now it's gone....Darn it. I missed the drama and now it's gone. <br />I think you are the awesomest mom! Way to go with the love and logic. And the follow through! It's totally cheaper at the current rate and he neither was scarred emotionally or physically from this lesson. I always have to defend my stance when i've felt attacked on my blog too. Hugs for you. You rocked it, textbook style. Keep up the good work julie!<br />and i've never noticed bad grammar before here. Te people accusing you of that would hate my blog too.Crazymamaof6https://www.blogger.com/profile/12010784861707678433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-42793279614885155182011-03-06T00:42:04.774-08:002011-03-06T00:42:04.774-08:00Gee,I feel like I've been missing out on all t...Gee,I feel like I've been missing out on all the fun here. I kind of agree with the Warden, I don't think you should have defended yourself at all. It's your blog, your kids, your parenting. And as long as you and the Warden are in agreement then what's the big deal? Your kids seem fine to me. <br /><br />Keep plugging along and doing what you are doing. Life sure is full of all sorts of fun stuff, huh?<br /><br />Just remember that with a public blog the negative comments come along with the territory. It's sad, but true. But for every negative comment you will have 10 positives. Just decide on which ones will have an influence on you.Darilynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04161362917236525807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-17378110204161737652011-03-05T21:58:06.787-08:002011-03-05T21:58:06.787-08:00Amen sistah!Amen sistah!Hesses Madhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17988796143736645049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-78312901426926752442011-03-05T21:20:48.493-08:002011-03-05T21:20:48.493-08:00I for one liked making my children's lunch. A...I for one liked making my children's lunch. And yes I did teach my kids responsibility. They had/have jobs to do, homework to do, and went to church. The first 3 have managed to graduate from college and function in life quite well in spite of the fact that I made their lunches pretty much every day for 13 years each. I fully expect my next 3 to graduate from college as well and establish themseves as capable adults. I also make their lunches and yes, I do work fulltime. My guess is, I have the choice to parent the way I want as do you and both ways can have positive outcomes.<br /><br />BevcBevcnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-89985086872585701522011-03-05T17:49:01.966-08:002011-03-05T17:49:01.966-08:00I am glad you had that post. I didn't get a ch...I am glad you had that post. I didn't get a chance to read it, but the drama on 2peas brought me to your blog :)<br />I have never read the book that you refer to, but am thinking more parents should ;)<br />Love your sense of humourTracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15877151722590125770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-58901611663122059122011-03-05T17:06:55.006-08:002011-03-05T17:06:55.006-08:00Julie, I love and admire you and Z. You are fantas...Julie, I love and admire you and Z. You are fantastic parents. There is a saying, "The proof is in the pudding". Well, your pudding is turning out well so far, so keep up the good work.Debra/Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08281673774915307133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-61731683975549565472011-03-05T16:50:41.792-08:002011-03-05T16:50:41.792-08:00I am surprised that after reading the whole story,...I am surprised that after reading the whole story, anyone would still confuse what you did as "rewarding or punishing with food".<br /><br /> To do that, you must either withhold food (which you did not do), or promise food as a consequence or punishment for behavior. Such as, you didn't fix your bed, so no dinner, or you got an A, so here's an ice cream. Your situation is neither of those. It had absolutely nothing to do with punishing and was not about the food. It was simply the natural consequence of his action (or, inaction, in this case!)No morality is being linked to the food or the consumption thereof. That is the difference.<br /><br />Truth is, I would have caved and bought the lunch because I am probably too easy on my kids and also because I am not organized enough to have the system that you have in place for them!<br /><br />Stay strong mama- you are right no matter what anyone else tells you.Ringleaderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432502725369879074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-24280170477016237272011-03-05T16:30:46.953-08:002011-03-05T16:30:46.953-08:00Thank you all for your kind words. I look up to y...Thank you all for your kind words. I look up to you. Most of the people I see listed as commenters here today are women I COMPLETELY admire as mothers. You're my examples. Those I want to pattern myself after, so to have you all listed right here before my eyes, is very humbling. Thank you for your kindnesses. I feel very blessed to have people like you in my life. Thank you for being you!Hesses Madhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17988796143736645049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-88744720761873277162011-03-05T15:37:08.650-08:002011-03-05T15:37:08.650-08:00Because I am a virgin as of today to your blog, I ...Because I am a virgin as of today to your blog, I would like to see the comments from yesterday's post, and capture all the people's kids, who put you down yesterday, in 20 years, and do a compare and contrast. I am not trying to say one will fail over the other...it would just be interesting to see the results. There is a reason why our nation is the way it is today..."bail me out!" Does this ring a bell! I am in no sense of the word political...but just saying. I so admire what you for teaching your kids this great lesson of choice and consequence, and hope that I can do the same for my two, when those opportunities arise.Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16375126607224251786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-4047273441085835642011-03-05T13:31:45.730-08:002011-03-05T13:31:45.730-08:00This is why you are my "go-to" mom whene...This is why you are my "go-to" mom whenever I have questions. I continue to admire the job that you and Zan do every day. Way to go, Julie! :o)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12820088335861319576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-9650415263841736872011-03-05T13:29:38.508-08:002011-03-05T13:29:38.508-08:00We finally took a love and logic class last fall a...We finally took a love and logic class last fall and it has been great! We're still learning lots and have a long way to go, but I probably would have done the same thing. I didn't see the original post but that's sad so people can be so nasty. Did you mention that lots of 2nd grade aged children fast 1-2 meals willingly for Fast Sunday every month!? :)Queen Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05724130301302493520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-64927558585143288452011-03-05T12:31:55.301-08:002011-03-05T12:31:55.301-08:00I'm surprised so many agree with how you handl...I'm surprised so many agree with how you handled it.<br /><br />Could my 9 year old make his own lunch everyday? Sure he could. Could he remember to bring it everyday? Probably not, I've forgotten my own lunch on occasion and had to purchase.<br /><br />I just don't think food should be handled as a punishment or reward. I think it's fine you want them to make their own, but if they forget, rather than denying them food, you could make them pay you back of for buying lunch some way, or some other punishment like that.<br /><br />I'm happy I can make my son's lunch, and I will as long as he lets me. Childhood is short, he'll have plenty of time to fend for himself when he's older.Cynthianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-25133249286575128212011-03-05T12:23:33.658-08:002011-03-05T12:23:33.658-08:00To the person who anonymously said this:
"An...To the person who anonymously said this:<br /><br />"Anonymous said...<br /><br /> "Confessions<br /> "1. I don't know you well and have only been on this blog a couple times to steal menu/recipe sites. (By the way - Thanks!)<br /><br /> "2. My kids not only make their own lunches and suffer if they forget, they also wash their own laundry and suffer if their favorite shirt didn't get cleaned (or wear it stinky and dirty).<br /><br /> "3. We've made it all the way to the beach before one of our children announced that they didn't have ANY shoes.(who needs shoes at the beach anyway, right?)<br /><br /> "4. I have been known to smile and inwardly cheer when watching my children learn valuable life lessons through natural consequences.<br /><br /> "5. I have been harshly judged and accused by others regarding my parenting, or lack thereof. To this, I say, "Nanner, nanner, my kids are pretty darn awesome in spite of my mystakes!"<br /><br /> "6. While watching from afar and seeing your family in the community, I have secretly wished to be like you when I grow up!<br /><br /> "disclaimer; All misspellings and grammatacle errers are perposfull!<br /><br /> "You go girl, and while you're at it - Have a great day!"<br /><br /><br />Thank you, but I'm sorry. I had to delete your post.Hesses Madhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17988796143736645049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-51561425638298529082011-03-05T12:18:33.721-08:002011-03-05T12:18:33.721-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6585683677781096668.post-36129120426078525342011-03-05T11:45:52.172-08:002011-03-05T11:45:52.172-08:00Julie,
I have expressed my admiration of you befo...Julie,<br /><br />I have expressed my admiration of you before and this post is exactly why.<br />I parent the same way as far as letting the kids have responsibilities and consequences. I always think about how to help my kids so that they can become responsible adults. It isn't easy and I fell you are doing an awesome job.<br />Also if you could be convicted of bad grammer I would be your #1 cell mate.<br />Love youCallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04004453350004268161noreply@blogger.com