A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 7

Week 7:  Proverbs 31:28-29  Has your husband and/or children done something or given you something you did not expect?  Write a post about how your family has blessed you.

 28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

When I was a child, I pictured marriage as being somewhat confining.  I'm not sure why I thought that.  I guess I don't remember my mom ever really getting out with her girlfriends or anything.  She had close friends and they usually served in church callings together.  I remember her having presidency meetings at our kitchen table and she and her friends sitting around laughing.   Those meetings seemed to go on for hours--just a bunch of grown women laughing and having the time of their lives together.

I don't believe that my mom didn't get out because of anything my dad did or didn't do.  It was simply because she didn't have anything she really wanted to do.  She was content to be home.  My sister, however, knew another mom--same woman with a different way of doing things.  She was younger, had fewer kids and was a bit more adventurous back in her day.  By the time I came around, my mom had six children (five at home).  I think she was worn out by the end of the day.

I guess I pictured that that's how marriage would be.  That was my first thought when I read the questions for this post.  But it hasn't proven to be that way.  My husband has given me freedom.  First of all, he freed me from the poor self-esteem I had when we first met.  He lifted me up.

One week in church, he shared with me that they'd had a lesson on how men could help their wives (or something like that).  The gentleman teaching the class turned to the Warden and asked him specifically  how he helps his wife.  He shared that he allowed me opportunities to be all that I can be (those are not his words, but that's the basic essence of what he said).  That is true.  He encourages me to stretch and fly.  Funny thing is, I don't always take him up on these opportunities.  My ability to get my degree and raise seven children and keep things in the home running are, in a huge degree, possible because of him.

I only wish I could offer as much to him.

I attribute much of this characteristic in him to his mother.  There are many things she did in his growing up years that taught him how to be a fair and loving husband.  She took her opportunities to learn and fly.  I think the Warden observed this as a child and it became part of what he hoped for in his wife.  He tries to make that possible for me.  I don't think she knows that she did this, and I am the direct beneficiary of her actions.  I am grateful for the woman she is.

The Warden is not the kind of guy who comes in after a long day at work (and believe me, his days can be very long) and says, "Where's my dinner?" and "Why isn't this house clean?"  He's a jump in and get 'er done kind of guy.  I think he learned this silent service from his dad.

As for my children, they have given me everything--many sweet moments of peace and satisfaction, but also opportunities to stretch and grow--stressful and uncomfortable situations--as I've participated in their growth.  I am grateful for these that I've been entrusted with.  I feel strongly that they're mine for a reason.  I am thankful for their forgiveness as I try to get this motherhood thing right.

Never could I have imagined that my life would be like this.  It's far from perfect, but it sure has the potential for something great because of these wonderful people in my life.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 6

Week 6:  Proverbs 31:25-27  Do you tend to let your emotions control your attitude?  Are there more kind words mixed with laughter coming from your lips, or are they harsh and demoralizing?  Write a post about something you have said or done that you need to forgive yourself for.  Is there someone you need to forgive or who has let you down?  Write about it.

 25Strength and honour are her ^aclothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

 26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of ^akindness.

 27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of ^aidleness.

This is one of the main struggles of my life.  I have a tendency toward sarcasm (like I have to even tell you that here).  I was raised in a home where humor reigned supreme.  We were continually trying to be the one with the quick comeback.

I have a terrible tendency to have my feet wet with my own saliva--foot in mouth disease.  I try hard to to think before I speak, but I frequently kick myself when leaving the presence of others.  I'm very careful about my humor now and try to be sensitive to those who just might not get it, but when I'm around others that do get it, life is good, and I let it all hang out.  I love it when this happens.

My emotions take over when I'm stressed.  When my mom was dying, I was at my worst.  I was riding this terrible roller coaster of emotions, so you really had to watch out.  I think that's kind of the nature of the beast that is cancer--one day good, the next day horrendous.  Nineteen, ninety-eight was a very hard year.

During this time, a member of my family happened to get in the line of fire at the worst possible time.  I was trying to do my best to keep the family involved and informed as to what was going on with my mom's care, but when other suggestions were offered as to how I could do better, I came a bit unglued.

I honestly don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for this, but I'm fairly certain she has forgiven me.

There are similar incidences with other family members, and I don't know how to overcome them.  It's funny, when these things happen with other people outside of my family, I can get over them and communicate pretty easily, but when it's family, it's just harder.  Why is this?

Along the lines of the last question, yes, there is someone I need to forgive, but this individual won't admit that he/she's done anything wrong.  According to him/her, it's all me.  I tried to communicate the best that I could about what I was disappointed about, but my words were twisted back at me and some very personal information was shared with another person who approached me and asked for verification.  I quickly realized that I'd better leave this person alone.   I know it will heal over time.  For now, I have to be okay with the idea that I've done what I could to take care of my part of the situation.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 5

I got my assignments done for today.  Now I have this great desire to get ahead.  I even had it done before my kids got home.  So, here I am blogging.  Yay!!!

So, I will now continue with this....

Week 5: Proverbs 31:22-24 Are you or a family member always hunting for a clean pair of socks? Does the laundry seem to be getting the best of you? Maybe you are always behind on doing the dishes. Write a post sharing how you deal with the never ending loads of laundry and dishes.


Proverbs 31:22-24
 22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her ^aclothing is silk and purple.

 23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

 24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

This is a good day to comment on this.  Monday is always laundry day at this house.  It's also garbage day.  By the time Monday is over, I'm a very happy woman--feeling like everything is clean and ready to go.  It's a good way to start the week.  I actually do laundry on Wednesday and Saturday too, but Monday is the big gung-ho washing day.

With a family the size of ours, you probably think we have our washing machine, dryer and dishwasher going all the time.  We do--pretty much.  The beautiful thing is, I'm not the only one making them run.

I have blogged about laundry before.  Here's the post for your perusal.  Things are going very well in that department.  I'm not sure when #4 will start having his own laundry day.  I'm thinking once you're done with school for the year, you're automatically the next grade up.  Would you agree with this?  If this is the case, he will start doing his own laundry in June.  This is probably a good idea, so he can get used to the routine while there's so much down time.

As far as dishes go, we have a white board on our fridge that keeps a list of jobs that are rotated weekly.  I believe I've posted about this before too.  Every Monday morning the jobs change.  This week it's #3's job to do dishes.  I have one thing to add to this, though.  I have recently taken it upon myself to do one load of dishes a day.  I usually do a load after the kids head for school.  They just pile up so fast and if we don't run one in the morning, I get really grumpy.  I just don't like them sitting around all day waiting for the person with the job to get home.  I'm always relieved when it's my week to do dishes, which really only happens every seven weeks.  I know that for that week, I have control of the space I spend so much time in.  The dishes are put in as they get dirty when it's my week.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 4

 I just took a glance back at the archives and found that in 2009 I wrote 179 blog posts in the entire year.  This is my 179th so far this year.  YAY!!!

Week 4:  Proverbs 31:19-21  Do you extend a helping hand to the poor and needy?  Is your family prepared for the possibility of a need?  Write a post about how you are helping the unfortunate, and how you are setting aside for a day when your family may be in need.

19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the ^adistaff.

20She stretcheth out her hand to the ^apoor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

I am happiest when I'm serving.  I know from whom my blessings come, and I know that nothing I have belongs to me, so I have no right to be covetous of it.  I think when it comes to serving others, I follow what my heart tells me.  I trust those feelings and do what I can.  There are just times in life when you have to say no.

The timing of this questions is amazing.  There is a woman I've known for awhile now who has great need of help.  I have assisted her with many things in the past year or so--her kids, her house, etc.  It got to a point where she was no longer willing to do for herself.  It seemed that she just wanted everyone to do for her and there was very little gratitude, just complaint whenever anyone did anything for her.

She told me and everyone in the church community who cared for her that she didn't want to have any contact with us any more.  She burned most likely the largest bridge she had going for her.  I'm not sure how she's survived the past few months.

Although, she said she wanted no contact, she has continued to contact me at least once a week since that time via facebook (she dropped me as a friend, and I am blocked from her profile, but she can still see mine).  I have tried to remain neutral and kind.  I have kind of waited for her to ask for help but all she does is hint at it when she calls.  I'm not sure how to handle this.  I want to help her.  I know that if I were in her shoes, I'd want help, but I guess I would also hope that I might be a bit more kind in return for the help I received.

She wrote to me last night asking me to help her with her children.  I love her children.  I would happily do this for them, but the fear is that once I do this, she will start taking me and my help for granted again.  I'm not saying that I need appreciation or anything for what I do.  It's just that I don't want to enable her.  The fear is that she will start calling multiple times a week and nothing will ever be enough.

It almost felt like she was unhappy if I wasn't sitting around my house waiting for her next phone call.  If I was off doing something or had somewhere I had to be and couldn't be there to help her, she would act very put out and take it very personally.  This was just plain unhealthy for all involved.

I guess the toughest thing is knowing when to draw the line.  I know that there are blessings that come from serving others, but I also know that my first loyalty and service lies with my own family.  I have to look out for my own first.  I just know that if my own children acted like that, I would allow them some tough love learning opportunities.

I have basically asked her to go through the regular channels of the church, but she has stated that they don't care about her any more.  Huh?  She said she didn't want contact with them any more.  What she doesn't understand is that all she has to do is apologize and they'd find the best ways to assist her.

All I have to say about helping my family in a time of need is...we're LDS.  We have food storage and 72 hour kits.  We have a plan for such incidences.  I have to confess I need to work harder to have a year's supply of food and a larger supply of water.  These things overwhelm me a bit.  A year's supply for nine people is no walk in the park.  I would love to have a better system for this, but I think in order to do so you have to have a really organized personality.  I tend to be a bit too random, but I'm working on it.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 3

Proverbs 31:16-18  Are you thrifty and frugal?  Do you take care of yourself by exercising and eating right?  Write a post about how you are spending wisely and/or any ways in which you are making healthier choices to ensure you are energetic and strong.

16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

I am frugal.  I was raised to be.  I use coupons and try very hard to use our money wisely.   I just signed up for a new class in personal finance, so I'm excited to set some financial goals and learn to make our money stretch better.

In this first little section of reading for this class, there have been some great quotes on wealth.  One that I particularly liked was one that the professor said his wife, Anne Dewey Sudweeks, says to him, “If you are not happy without money, you will never be happy with it.”

Here's another great one:

Money can buy you a house, but it can't buy you a home. Money can buy you insurance, but it can't buy you security. Money can buy you entertainment, but it can't buy you happiness. Money can buy you medicine, but it can't buy you good health. Money can buy you a bed, but it can't buy you sleep. Money can buy you companionship, but it can't buy you friendship. . . Money is called currency, because it is designed to flow through you. Wealth doesn’t change who you are; it only reveals you to yourself (Dayo Oloma, “Is Money Everything,” May 7, 2007).

I figure I'd rather be happy with what I have right now and just try to be happy no matter what comes my way.  What I have is what I have.  Life's too short to always be wanting more.  My kids always say, "You get what you get and don't throw a fit."  That's how I try to live.

I try to eat right, but I'm not great at it.  Some foods are just too convenient, y'know?  I have a really bad sweet tooth, but really, it's just a really bad chocolate tooth.  I don't really have a problem saying no to sweets, but I do to chocolate.  I once thought I could just overeat it and make myself sick of it, but chocolate is here to stay, I'm afraid.  So, maybe I'm not too noble.

I've just started exercising again.  I walk my boys to school in the morning most mornings, but I have started going to an exercise class at the church on Monday and Wednesday.  I also have the goal to start running with some friends on Thursday mornings.

I'm within five pounds of where I want to be.  I love how losing weight has given me so much more energy and makes me feel so much better about myself.  I feel like I've really conquered something.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 2

Proverbs 31:13-15  Do you plan and prepare for the day?  Do you start the day with a quiet time with the Lord?  Are you ready to meet the challenges of the day?  Write a post about how you set aside time to plan and prepare for yourself and your family everyday.  Whether it be meal planning, scheduling, grocery lists, chores, or what you do to make sure you have time for Bible study and prayer with God.

This could end up being a VERY long post, but I'll try to keep it brief.  If you want more specific information, just ask.  I'll post a more in depth post or two if you want.  This is something I spend a lot of my brain power (what little is left of it) on.  I just don't know if I could run this household if I didn't.  It would be kind of like driving the party bus (that's what it was dubbed by the kids' friends this weekend) without sensors on the bumpers--so NOT possible, at least for me.

Here's the scripture reference:
 13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

 14She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

 15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

Sunday is designated as planning day.  We sit down as a family and have a family council each week.  After that, I go to my own calendar to see what's there and what I have to do to fulfill all of my commitments that week.  I come up with a to-do list.  I have to be careful not to go overboard.  I have a tendency to add "breathe" and "blink" and sometimes an occasional "swallow" to my list.

I just naturally wake up at the same time nearly everyday--5:45am; although I wish I wouldn't.  I usually stay in bed for 15 minutes until my alarm goes off.  I used to use that time to try to go back to sleep--always unsuccessfully.  I've just started using this time to have some quiet thinking time.  I don't get enough of that any more, so maybe the early wake up is a tender mercy after all.  I think through each of my children and their needs.  I now find that, because of this time, I am more mindful of what I can do during the day to meet help meet those needs.

I have a schedule that I've referred to in other posts.  When I list it out, it looks like an incredible amount of stuff, but it's really not.  I have set routines in my day at various times--6am, 8am, 11am, 2pm, 4pm, and 8pm.  During those times, I have a list on my Blackberry that I refer to.  I find that I have to focus on one job at a time or else I get easily overwhelmed.  In between, I get my to do list things done.  I try to be in bed each night (except for weekends) by 9:30pm--haha!  Yah, right. 

Each day of the week also has a specific job attached to it.  Today, for example, is laundry day.  I do the laundry and clean and organize the laundry room.  

My routines have to be altered many times during the year as I learn to bend to my family's changing activities.  You know, just to give some variety to life.  **Grrr**

I study mid-morning, while #7 naps and #6 is at preschool and again in the early afternoon, while #6 and #7 nap/have quiet time.  I can see an ending to #7's morning nap coming very quickly toward me on the horizon, so I'm going to have to, again, flex the ol' schedule.  Do I dare say "Grrr" again?

With each class, when I start, I create a spreadsheet that becomes my study schedule.  Before I study, I always pray and take a half an hour to study the scriptures.  I also pray as part of my first routine of the day and my last.

In order to answer the other questions in the first paragraph, I'd have to show you my routines.  I throw dinner in the crockpot as part of the 8am routine.  Grocery lists are part of my Wednesday tasks, which has been a bit tricky this school year as it's the only day #6 has off of school.  I try hard to stick to these schedules, but I tend to be a bit of a random thinker.  I fall away a lot, but at least I have them in my Blackberry, so I can jump back on when I catch myself out in left field.  It must be really nice there because I tend to spend quite a bit of time there.  Funny that I've never noticed the beauty of it, actually.

As far as household chores go, we have a rotating list of jobs on a white board that hangs on the fridge.  I have never called them "chores" just because of the negative connotation of the word.  I should start calling them "opportunities for service" that'd make the medicine go down, now, wouldn't it?  The person who does each job (er...service opportunity) changes weekly.  Here they are:

Dishes

Kitchen

Yard/cars

Front room, halls and stairs

Family room

Bathrooms

Watch #7 (but of course, we don't refer to her as #7 here)

Set table (everyday for now) - #6

The main responsibilities are to keep their areas free of clutter/picked up.  On Saturdays we have a list for more in-depth cleaning and scouring.  At least once or twice a week, we work together and clean the entire house unitedly--ignoring the original list. 

So, there it is...insanity at its finest.  I like that I don't have to reinvent the wheel each day.  I tend to be easily distracted (like I mentioned before), so having it all written down in one place brings me back to where I need to be. 

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 1

Found this on a blog I just ran across the other day and decided it was a worthwhile endeavor.  I'm a few weeks behind, so this may end up being a semi-weekly post kind of thing until I catch up.  For today, here's week 1.

Looked up Proverbs 31 and pushed "images" this is what I got.  Pretty, huh?

Week 1: Proverbs 31:10-12 Are you a virtuous and capable wife more precious than rubies? Does your husband trust you, and do you enrich his life? Do you bring him good everyday? Write a post about something you would like to change about yourself, and something you love about yourself. How does this add to the enrichment of your husband's life?

Wow!  Why is this so tough for me?  Yes, I believe I am a virtuous woman.  Capable wife?  More precious than rubies?  Okay.  I'll take it.

Yes, I believe my husband trusts me.  Do I enrich his life?  Hmm.  That's where it's tough.  I try to, but not consciously.  I don't wake up every morning thinking, "How can I enrich my husband's life today," but maybe I should.

I think I bring him good.  We have a fairly peaceful life together.

What would I change about myself?  Oh wow!  Where does one begin?  Lately, I wish I was more organized.  I know when I am, I feel better about myself and am more able to get things done.  So, yes, that's what I'd change.

What do I like about myself?  I like that I can laugh at life and find lessons in things around me.  I like that I continually try to better myself.

This adds enrichment to my husband's life in that I work to make our household better too.

To be honest, I think all he wants is that I be happy.  He continually tries to do things to bring me joy.  He's a great man!