The Week Ahead

When I was a mom of only two small children, I asked a woman who was a teacher what I could do that would best prepare my children for school.  Her response was that I should give them social opportunities as much as was humanly possible.  I was really good at this with my first three kids--playdates, preschool, park & rec classes, etc., but after my mom passed away, I kind of shut down socially.  I've let things slide quite a bit, but as I was driving home from dropping my kids at school this morning, I got to thinking about the week.  Somewhere I must have turned a corner.

We had a friend's three kids this afternoon, so she could go volunteer at the school.  Tomorrow, #7 will be with her good friend "Kaffrin" at our house.  Kaffrin, last week, requested that we make cookies because we'd done it the week before, so I'm thinking every Tuesday with Kaffrin's going to be a cookie day.  Wednesdays, I trade with a good friend, and it's my kids' turn to go to her house to play with her kids.  Thursday, #7 goes to Kaffrin's and Friday afternoon, the friend whose kids I watched today will have mine, so I can go volunteer.  I guess, unknowingly, I'm back in the swing.  I'm loving that my kids have lots of good kids around them.

With all that fun, there are a LOT of projects going on....

I'm working on getting my school stuff all up to speed.  I have essays to write for careers and two more lessons to complete for personal finance.  I have other essays to write, but I don't really want to expose the reason for those yet.  I will eventually....just not yet.  Anyway, I have time in which to finish those, but they are sitting there nagging at me in the back of my mind.

The Primary program was yesterday, so that's a big relief.  To be honest, for that, I'm kind of a support person.  My wonderful counselor really pulled it off.  The kids did great, but I have to admit, it's nice to have that pressure behind us.  Now, to plan for Christmas and the coming year for the Primary kids.

Friday night, we're doing a big birthday celebration for one of our kids with a mystery dinner party, so there'll be decorating to do and food to prepare.

Sunday is the big Japan fireside for the ward.  I need to fine tune the power point I created for it and finish translating Sister Asano's testimony.

I still have a few cookbooks to deliver, so there'll be a trip to the post office.  I think I've come to a point in which I can release the last ten that I'd reserved just in case I'd messed up someone's order.  I've heard from no one, so they are $15 for anyone who wants one--first come, first served.  They're great for Christmas gifts.  If you want one or two, let me know.  When these are gone, they'll ALL be gone.

So, there you have it--the insanity that is my life.  I keep thinking that once school's done I'll have a blank space in my schedule, but we all know that's not going to happen, huh?  I'm sure there'll be something else to fill it up.  I wonder what that something will be....

.74 Per Day

I encouraged #6 to pick up two plastic bottles on our way home from walking #5 to school today.  He put them in a garbage sack with the intention of returning them to the store next time we go.  He will get 5 cents for each.  That's 10 cents on his way to the agreed upon $150 for the trumpet.

When we walked in the door, I got out a calendar and a calculator.  Figuring how many days of school are left and eliminating Sundays, #6 has 74 cents to earn each and every day until June 13th.  At that point, he will take his jar of money to the band teacher, and the Hess family will have a big celebration.  We'll all be tooting our horns for him.

I figure that picking up dog poop'll get him a quarter.  The dog only poops once a day, I believe (I guess I don't pay very close attention to this, so it's completely an assumption).  There are definitely two more jobs that can earn him a quarter each, or maybe I'll make him my garage cleaning assistant, and that'll earn him 50 cents.  That'll also be good incentive for me to get out there and take care of it a little at a time.

That should do it, don't you think.  $150 sounds like so much money for a five-year-old, but breaking it down to .74 a day makes it sound so much more do-able.

The plan from here is to get a jar or container to hold his money each day.  At the end of the day, that container is emptied into another, larger container.

Sounds like one of those Unicef commercials--"For just .74 cents a day, you too can sponsor a bent and dented trumpet."

I guess for today, he's well on his way.  He already has 10 cents--once we get to the grocery store.  Only 64 more to go.

Time to Face the Music

Well, we did it.  #6 went in to see the band teacher today.

We got there before school was out.  #4 has band last period, so #5, 6, 7 and I all stood out in the hallway and listened to them practice.  #5 told me, as he heard the choir also practicing down the hall that he didn't want to do that, he wanted to play in the band, and he wants to play the clarinet.  Fun times ahead!

The teacher finished interacting with his students and then took #6 back to his office.  At first, I stood in the doorway as I watched as the little boy sat in this big chair solemnly looking at the man across from him.

The teacher handled it like a pro.  It was a very serious conversation.  He asked #6 if he'd ever taken a long time to make something and asked him how he felt about something he'd spent so much time on.  He told him that making a trumpet is like that and how sad it is that he would take it and treat it as he did.

#6 and I had practiced the conversation this afternoon at home before we left for the school.  I have to say, I pegged the teacher's demeanor.  The one time I had to step in was when I, acting as teacher, asked him what had happened, #6 told me he had "accidentally" dropped the trumpet out the window.  I jumped in and told him it wasn't an accident, but he'd done it on purpose.  Each time we practiced, this same correction was made, so I was interested to see just what he'd say in real life.  I know he understood the concept, but darn it, doesn't "accidentally" make things seem so much nicer?

When it came down to it, it was WORSE in real life.  He didn't use "accidentally," and he didn't use "dropped."  He told him he'd "thrown it out the window" because he was angry.  Ugh!  Okay, there's honesty, but then there's going overboard.  Clearly, he hadn't "thrown" it because if he had, it would have been a WHOLE LOT worse than it was.

Here's the thing with #6, though.  He gets angry, and when he gets angry, anything goes.  He doesn't think, he just acts.  It's kind of scary.  We've tried so many things to get this under control, and I think it's improved a bit, but honestly, I'm not sure where to go with this one.  I'm not sure this won't happen again.  I hope that as he matures, this will subside, but for now, we're doing all we can think of to help him mellow a bit.

We agreed that #6 would work and now has eight months to earn the money for a trumpet.  Not sure how that's going to work, but we'll get a chart or a jar or something so he can keep track of what he has left to earn.  So much for the messes the dog leaves behind in our backyard, huh?  I've got to come up with some really good jobs for him.  I will say one thing, though, he was very cooperative after this experience, and continued to be so until bed time.  Anything I asked him to do, he did it without question or complaint, and he wasn't even being paid for any of it.  Could it be that a little boy grew up just a little bit more today?

After they spoke, the band teacher asked #6 to step out for a few minutes and asked me to come in so he and I could talk over the logistics.  As he started to walk out the door, I told him that, until he's playing one himself, he's not allowed to touch anyone else's instrument.

#6 walked out, I walked in and shut the door.

First thing the teacher said..."How was that?"

I told him it was perfect.  #6, who has the most amazing poker face I've ever seen was nearly in tears as he walked out.  I think he got the message.  The band teacher was very matter of fact and directed the conversation, but he made it just that, a conversation.  He asked questions and let #6 answer them.  "What are you going to do about this?" etc.  Wonderful!

He told me that he can fix the trumpet.  One thing I learned about him through this experience (and I learned it through one of the music stores we visited) is that he worked at a repair shop while he was in college.  He said he has another trumpet with that part in great condition that he can just replace this one with.  He told me it would cost him nothing to do so, so not to worry about it.  In the meantime, he sent #4 home with another loaner trumpet.

There's no way we're just going to walk away from this and let things go scot free, but truly, what a nice guy to be willing to deal with us in such a kind manner.  I'm so grateful this turned out so positive in so many ways.

The Training

I had no idea how much difficult situations with children have been training me to deal with other difficult situations in life.

One of my children had a blow up yesterday morning.  It was a silly situation as we look back on it, but for some reason, it was monumental to this child.

I wrote the following email to my husband around noon.  It was entitled, "Loverly Morning."


"Oh WOW!  I wish you would have been here this morning to witness the love fest brought on by our lovely (name of child withheld).  HOLY SHLAMOLY!!!!   I became [the] object of hatred.  [The child] even threw stuff around.  It was a fabulous display of drama.  So sorry you missed it.  I have to say, though, that thanks to [various children]'s training for these past few years, I stayed completely calm and collected.  I didn't go into panic mode or freak out mode or anything.  I was level-headed and thinking clearly the entire time....Well, the fun is just starting.  I figure we'll just kick back and relax and let [the child]  work through [it], as much as [the child] can, on [his/her] own.  Being an 'experiential learner,' [this child]'s got a lot of experiences ahead to learn from.  Gotta love [this child].  I have no doubt that [he/she'll] come out of this quite a lovely young [person].  It's the getting there that's gonna be a ride (and a half).

Love,
me"



One of our children brought home a test from, I believe it was, a science class a few years ago.  It was to see what kind of learner the taker of the test is.  Of course, no one is completely one kind of learner, we're all a combination, but this test was all about predominant learning style.  We gave the test to each family member who was old enough to take it.  We were fascinated with the results. 

We have a bunch of "visual" learners.  I am, predominantly, an "auditory" learner, and this particular child, alone, is an "experiential" learner.  At this point, if the test was correct, we knew that nothing we could do would teach this child.  We endeavor everyday to make sure the places where these experiences take place are positive, but there's only so much we. as parents, can control.  When it comes right down to it, leaving problems in this child's shoes is the only way to teach things effectively, but this is something we try to do for each of our kids--not always successfully, but it is the goal.

We had an interesting conversation this morning, this child and me.  The child was getting all riled up about a situation with a sibling (the kids are home because of parent-teacher conferences).  At the time, it was a flame on a candlewick that was quickly growing into a bonfire.  I knew my job was to back out and not feed the flames. 

After things calmed, I asked the child if he/she'd seen my response the day before.  Was it crazy or calm?  Well, it could have been crazy, but I didn't let you decide my response.  I chose it for myself.  You can do the same.  Things immediately calmed and perspective was regained.

At different times, each of my seven give me opportunities for training.  A few of them give me more experience than others.  At times I feel downhearted and concerned, but as I face more things with them, I find that even parenting is line upon line, precept upon precept, and what one child does often leads to how to deal with situations brought on by others.

Even the "HOLY SHLAMOLY" experiences are for my training.  Nice to know they have a purpose.

Never Let 'Em See You Sweat

I had a friend ask me to post about irrational fears and how to help your children to overcome them.

This was a tough one.  I asked my children to share a time when they were scared of something and how they overcame it.  Hmm....There was no good answer from any of them.  My kids are pretty fearless, but that's another topic in and of itself.  Everything has its goods and bads, doesn't it?

I had many fears as a child, but not as many as some around me.

When I was a pre-teen, I knew a family of all girls, and those girls were TERRIFIED of dogs.  The dog could be safely behind a fence and the girls would cower.  I finally asked their mother why all three girls were so afraid of dogs.  I was expecting an answer that one of them had been bitten and the others witnessed it, but she calmly said, "Well, I'm not sure, but I'm afraid of dogs too."

Aha!  Mother couldn't help the girls overcome their fear because she couldn't conquer her own fear to help them do it.

So, as a mother, are you fearful?  Do you show your children your fear?  Do they feed off of that?

Now, to the friend who requested this post, this is not her problem.  She is not one who feeds her children's fears with her own.  I honestly don't know the situation, but I know her, and this isn't how she operates.

I have a fear of the dentist.  Not crippling, but a fear nonetheless.  That dentist can be safely behind a fence, and I cower.  But, for my children, I go to the dentist.  I not only go to the dentist, I tell my children how much I love going to the dentist and how good my teeth feel after I go.  I talk it up all the way in and all the way out and for weeks after.

When my children first started going to the dentist, I found the best pediatric dentist I could find.  They LOVED going.  It was a party day...well, practically.  They'd count down the days until they could go again.

Because of insurance changes, my children no longer go to this dentist, but the older kids got a good start and are unafraid, so that feeling feeds down to the younger kids.  They all still look forward to going and continue to count down the days.

When I was a child, my mom didn't force me to deal with my fears.  She rescued me from them.  This was how she showed me she loved me, and I never doubted that she did, but because I never learned to face them and get over them I promised that I would never do that to or for my kids.  So, the trick is to help them face their fears in the most loving way possible.  They should never doubt that you love them even though you require hard things of them.

I think the first step in dealing with irrational fears is to sit down with your child at a calm time when the fear factor isn't around, and calmly, rationally discuss what is really scaring your child.  Maybe there were extenuating circumstances that brought this on.  Talk through it and make sure you tell the child that you, as his/her parent, would never put the child in a dangerous situation.  Ask what he/she feels is needed to help overcome the fear.  If it's a matter of going into a dark place in the house, maybe if the child was given the option of a flashlight or some other "crutch" for a little while until he/she sees that there really is nothing to be afraid of, but let your child come up with the solution; please note that that solution shouldn't include you doing any part of it unless it's to provide something--the flashlight, for instance.  He/she must do it for him/herself.  After he/she's made progress, celebrate with a big hug, a kiss and lots of words of praise; make a big deal of it.

I guess the point here is that when children are asked to overcome something for themselves, they should feel a sense of pride and satisfaction.  This should be looked at as an opportunity for empowerment for the child.  These experiences should make them stronger and better, and that is our role as parents--not to rescue and save.  When we rescue, we show them that yes, they should fear that thing and someone bigger and stronger will deal with it for them, but when we teach them how to do it for themselves, they are that bigger, stronger person who can deal with life for themselves.

Parenting Lessons I've Learned Lately

Turning Against Each Other

This morning, as I walked #5, #6 and #7 up to the school with a few of their bubs from the neighborhood, I watched them play.  It always starts with a game of tag, but today, when I was "it" and was straggling behind so far that I didn't tag anyone for a long time, it turned from tag to Star Wars.

I watched them blow each other away with their laser guns and their light sabers.  I really detest this game.

As we walked through the forest and approached the crosswalk, it occurred to me that their form of Star Wars was much, much different from the game I played with my brothers when we were close to #5's age.  In our day, the Star Wars movies were just coming out.  My mom made us Star Wars costumes for Halloween that year.  David was Luke Skywalker, Matt was Han Solo, and I was Princess Leia.  We rocked it that Halloween.

The difference I noticed (as I carried "Jaba the Hutt's baby" in my arms that last stretch to the crosswalk), was that me and my brothers were a unified team.  We worked together to destroy Darth Vader (the cars with their headlights on) and the storm troopers (those with headlights off).

This morning, Yoda, Princess Leia, Boba and Jango Fett and the like were out to destroy each other.  No wonder I dislike this game so much.

I introduced the idea that they work together, but of course, they were headed across to the school within seconds of my suggestion.  We'll see how this game goes tomorrow.

I believe that our children need to work together and be on the same team.  They need to know that these principles, even during play (maybe even especially during play), will bring unity and peace to their family.

Besides....Jaba the Hutt's baby....really?!

Delayed Gratification

A couple weeks ago, Baby Jaba #7 decided that she wanted me to carry her all the way to and from the school in the mornings.  Before this, we would take turns.  I would let her walk until she decided that she was too tired, and I'd carry her for a bit and then she'd walk again.  It worked out  nicely.

On the day of the carrying all the way, I tried to put her down, and she'd cry, so I picked her back up--at first.  It was after a time or two of doing this, that I realized that I was doing her no favors.  She was taking advantage of me.

I put her down and walked a number of paces away--enough so I could turn and see her, and she could see me.  She would stand there and cry.  I would just stand there and wait.  After she'd stop crying, I'd call, "Okay, come on."  She'd run to me, I'd offer to hold her hand, and we'd be off again.

On the first day, there wasn't a time when she'd accept my hand.  She'd stand right in front of me and cry to be picked up.  It was then that I'd walk ahead again and turn around to wait for her.  This went on the entire way home.  I can't stand to hear my kids cry, but I choose that over being their doormat.  Needless to say, when we got home, my nerves were frazzled.

The next day was much easier.

But, the third day, when things were a bit more in control, I decided to try something new.  There are certain stretches of our walk that a bit more difficult for a two-year-old--no sidewalk, the walk through the forest, etc.  I decided that at these strategic places, I would carry her.  The other, easier parts, she would walk.

This is how it's gone....this morning, for example, as we walked out the front door, #7 said, first thing, "Momma, ho'd me?"  I replied with, "No, but I will hold you when we get to the corner."  Her response, "Okay."  No tears.

As I said this, the thought occurred to me that I'm helping my child, who is growing up in an instant-gratification world to wait for what she wants.

At the corner, I picked her up and carried her across the street and down the stretch of road that has no sidewalk.  As soon as we got to the sidewalk, I put her down and said, "I will hold you when we get to the dirt path."  I didn't even let her ask me if I was going to hold her.  This is how it went all the way to the school and all the way back home.

I figure from this, not letting her have her way, she's learning three things....that she's a capable person that can do things that she might not want to; that I, as her mother, am true to my word and will do exactly what I say I will; and that she can wait to have her needs (or wants) met.  Not a bad trait to gain in the world we live in.

Getting Out of Work

The bathrooms are sitting half done.  Mine has a bottle of Windex in it and a damp rag.  The boys' bathroom has bathroom cleaner and a rag but clothes from someone's bath all over it.  I just called the child who's in charge of the bathrooms to come finish the work, but SURPRISE!  He came up crying.  Crying?  This is a new tactic for this particular child.  Crying?!  What?!

My kids learn rather quickly that that one doesn't work with me.  I'm really shocked that this child hasn't learned this, but I'm just realizing that it's been a good many years since this one's been tried.

I was folding laundry when the child came up.  I was so caught off guard, I didn't know how to respond.

His words, "But, Dad was going to read to me **sob...sob.**"

I just couldn't help myself.  I pulled a blanket from the dryer, and as I folded, I held it to my face and sobbed, "But, my bathrooms aren't clean **sob...sob.**"

Well, guess where he is right now?

HeeHee!  Yes, I guess I'm evil, but two can play at that game.

Back to My Old Ways

I tried to get some videos to upload yesterday and had some technical difficulties, so the last day or two of the Japan saga lies ahead.

Today's been full of laundry and coupons.

Child #3's been gone for what feels like forever. We'll get her back on Saturday.  I'm missing her terribly.


Do you ever feel like you slack off when it comes to disciplining your kids? I go through phases of strictness and laxness. Usually it's impacted by my energy level. 

I'm not much of a lecturer. That's just not my style. I'm much more a discussor or a woman of action when it comes to interacting with my kids and dealing with their behavior.

This past lax phase has been pretty long lived. I think it started back with my last pregnancy. I was just far too tired to be up and enforcing correct behavior, but I don't think it's ever too late to change. So I worked hard to go back to being the kind of parent that's most comfortable for me yesterday.

I used to be very good at getting on top of the kids' poor behaviors the first time they happened. Lately, I've been the queen of second chances.

Sunday night, the Warden and I sat down with the oldest kids and discussed what they felt would improve our family.  It's been clear that things have not been quite right for quite awhile.

We decided that the thing we want to work on the most is respect--respect for others and respect for things.  Just all around respect.   We talked about communication and doing household jobs and helping each other out.  Most of all, we talked about how loud our home is.

It helped a lot of have these things pointed out.  Yesterday was smooth.  When one of these things appeared, I got on it--no second chances.  This was a new concept to #6.  He's been the kid who's suffered the most from my laxness.  He was the youngest when I was pregnant.  He wasn't taught, like the others were, what correct behavior is. 

I decided that if he's going to be loud or obnoxious in the house, he's being inappropriate.  That kind of behavior is outside behavior, and he needs to be outside to do it.  So, yesterday, he was asked to please go outside for at least five minutes.  If I had to ask him twice, it became ten minutes.  Each time I had to ask, it would be increased by five.  He had one trip outside for ten minutes and three others for five minutes.  I guess he decided after the first time that ten was too long.

Here's the funny thing.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday.  We have a large yard.  If it were me, I'd love being out there.  I'd find a ball to kick around or something else great to do, but he didn't.  For some reason he thought of this as the greatest punishment he could endure.  Does anyone else think this is strange?  He went out the back door, stood right by the door and wailed.  What?!  I don't get that at all.  I didn't even "place" him outside, he went there himself.

When the five minutes were up, he came back in.  Nothing was said.  I didn't rub anything in or lecture; we just got right back to life and everything was hunky dory. 

Of course, as with a few of my children, lessons have to be taught over and over and over again--you know...bang your head against the same wall until it finally sinks in, but I have no doubt he'll get it eventually.  I mean, he did get that ten minutes was longer than five and went out the first time asked after experiencing that only once, so there is hope. 

The greatest thing is that I'm not a liar.  I mean what I say, and I follow through--the first time (no second chances).  He's learning that he can trust me and my words.

Back to School Shopping

Today is payday.  We only get one a month, so we have to pace ourselves a bit and budget pretty carefully.  We decided, this morning, that today was going to be school shopping day.  We had a BLAST!

We did things a wee bit differently this year.  I sat down and figured out the budget and showed the kids what we had left for all of our extra spending for the month.  We decided together how much would be budgeted and evenly split between six school kids.  I think we were fair.

Before we left, we talked about what stores we wanted to shop at.  We went to those stores online to see what they had special deals on.  Old Navy has their jeans on sale for $10 for kids.  Plus, they have a 25% coupon code that's good until today.  If you order more than $50 worth of stuff, you get free shipping, so we ordered jeans and found two shirts that were $6 each.

On a piece of paper, we listed each child and the amount of money they started with.  Those who ordered jeans and shirts, had those amounts subtracted from the original sum.  We, then, headed to the bank.  We figured out how much of each child's budget was left and put that amount in an envelope with the child's name on it.  They were, then, each handed their own money.

We headed to Old Navy.  #1 and #2 are at team camp for cross country, so they will shop next week, but #3 got a pair of jeans, a cami, a t-shirt, and a cardigan.  #4 got a pair of jeans online, a polo a hoodie (1/2 price this weekend) and two t-shirts.  #5 got a pair of jeans and a shirt online and two polos and a t-shirt at the store.  #6 got a pair of jeans and a shirt online.  He wasn't going to get anything more--long story, but he was so good at the store (no nagging, no whining.  AMAZING!) that I bought him a surprise $5 t-shirt.  Each child still has money left.

Everybody came home happy.  The best part of the trip was that each child had to go to the checker by him/herself and pay from the money in his/her own envelope.  I think they each felt very grown up and responsible.  I love that they chose what they wanted within their own budgets, and I didn't have to comment on anything being too expensive.  I think the only thing I'd change is that they each have their own calculator with them.

They did, thankfully, still ask my opinion on how things looked, so I did turn down a couple ugly shirts.  I'm sure the day will come when they won't ask any more, but for now, life is good.

Now the challenge of holding them off until the first day of school.  They'll have a fashion show tonight when the Warden gets home.  I'll take some photos then, and then they'll have to wait for three weeks to wear them again.

Free Range Child

This is a new phrase I heard yesterday.  It makes me laugh, but I guess there's some amount of sadness to it.  This phrase was not used in regard to my children, but as I listened to the definition, I realized that one of my children could be defined this way.

As I have mentioned before, I love summer.  I LOVE having my kids home, but everyday at about 2:30pm, I have one child that needs a nap desperately but WILL NOT take one.  I know I can't force that child to sleep.  It's just not humanly possible, so as of yesterday, I started giving him choices.  He can go upstairs for a nap, or he can go outside and play.

#7's asleep during this time, but this child is just too loud inside the house.  Everyone else seems to have some ability to control him/herself and has some quiet time to him/herself each day at this time.  In the past, I've expected that the kids'd get up in the morning and just be part of the group.  We'd go run and do things together and spend the entire day together, but I realized, before summer vacation even started, that we all need to have some down time each day--some time to ourselves.  Thus, everybody gets some time alone everyday.

I kind of liken the situation with this child--my free range child--to having a spotless house.  I could have a perfectly clean house and break my back daily to keep things in order, but if my children enter the house and mess things up (we all know that never happens, right?), I'd become a raving maniac, but I choose peace over a perfectly orderly home.  My house is tidy and liveable (most of the time), but I value my relationship with my children more than being able to eat off the floors.  Similarly, I could control this child and use all the manipulative tactics I know, he's little, he'd fall for them, but I would, again, become a raving maniac and destroy any respect and love this child has for me.  I value his ability to choose for himself, so free range it is.

So, for this summer, starting around 2:30 everyday, my son will be free-range because I know for a fact he's never going to choose the nap option.  **sigh**  So glad to be in a place in life where we have a yard.  There have been other children in our family who didn't have this option at the same age.

Oh, and a friend gave me a great idea....Give him a bucket full of water and a paintbrush and let him "paint the fence" with the water.  Love it!  Going to have a very clean fence today.

Talking Behind Your Back in Front of Your Face

 

My four-year-old is really bad at responding when I give him direct orders.  It's even worse when I give him choices.  It's kind of a no-win situation right now, but last night, a beautiful thing happened....

I could hear him down the hallway in his bedroom.  It was 11pm.  He shares a room with his older brother but does all in his power to turn bedtime into party time.  I knew if I told him to go to bed, things'd get more out of control.  He never takes the easy way.  I guess you could say the kid likes a challenge.

So, I hear him messing around.  I stand just inside my bedroom where the Warden is already in bed, I turn to the Warden and say, in a voice loud enough for said 4-year-old to hear clearly, "Wow!  I hear ***.  That can't be.  He's supposed to be going to sleep.  What shall we do?  Should we move him out on the back porch?"

Immediate response.  Suddenly, the four-year-old  is standing outside my bedroom begging and pleading that he didn't want to do that.  Could he please stay in his room?

My response:  "I would love that.  I don't want to have to find a different place for you to sleep because there aren't any places in the house for loud kids right now since everyone is trying to sleep, so the only option is out back.  I really don't want to send you there, so what can I do to help you?"

As he slowly retreats down the hallway back toward his bedroom, he stops, turns and looks over his shoulder and says, "I just want a light."

I tell him he could turn the bathroom light on.  He does, and all is peaceful.  Not another sound was heard.

I'm finding a really magical thing from this example.  I have also noticed that with some of my kids, if I compliment them to their faces, they do all that they can to prove me wrong.  It's the strangest phenomenon, but if I compliment them within earshot to someone else--particularly to their dad, it's powerful.  They do all that they can to live up to what I've just said.

So, I'm learning to be careful what I say to others while my kids are listening, and I frequently set them up to hear just what I want them to hear behind their backs.

"I'm Telling on You!"

I wrote about a tattling situation on my facebook status this morning.  The response from my friends was funny.  Tattling does not rank up there on my list of annoying things like being ignored or being whined to do.  Yes, tattling is annoying, no doubt, but I think it comes in phases, and sometimes I think it's how kids communicate frustration with others.


I'm not sharing this because I'm the perfect mother and always handle things beautifully.  Sometimes I just write things down so that I can refer to them in the future when the situation happens again with another child, so I can remember and work on being consistent.  I know there are many ways to do things, this is just the way that works with our philosophy.

My friends asked if I was going to collect a tattler's fee.  This cracked me up because I really don't collect money for everything my kids do that bugs me.  I think it's only when my big kids need me to act as a consultant, when they're dealing with a problem with a sibling that they can't seem to solve on their own, that I collect a fee.  I really think kids'll take the easy way out most of the time and that's why they want me to solve their problems for them.  I mean, seriously, if I could get someone else to solve my problems for me, I'd do it.  That's why H&R Block exists, isn't it?

When it comes to tattling, my kids have been told that the one time it's okay to tattle is when someone is doing something that will injure him/herself or someone else.  There are probably a few rare instances when it's okay as well, but I can't think of any off the top of my head right now.

I also believe that what I do with my little ones now will influence our relationship later.  If my kids know that they can't come talk to me about their frustrations now, what will it be like when they're teenagers and life gets really frustrating?  One friend on this status chimed in with "Sometimes we just have to get it out there :) :)"  I loved this comment, and it really got me thinking about how I handle tattling when a child heads into this phase--and we definitely have one heading that way.  I know, lucky us!

The Tell-tale signs of Tattle-taling:  If the word "Mom" is followed by someone else's name, you can be pretty sure they're either asking for permission to do something with that other person (As in, "Mom, Ezra asked if I could go play football." Yah, right.  You know that doesn't happen), or they're going to tattle on that person (As in, "Mom, Ezra hit me with the football!").  Here's the usual response (I say usual because sometimes things are just unusual--especially if you haven't had a child in this phase for awhile):

When I see those tell-tale signs, I usually say, "Are you tattling?"  The answer is ALWAYS "No," and is frequently followed by "...but..."  Then they either walk away, or they continue.  I figure if they walk away, they can solve it themselves.  If they stay and continue to talk, they need to vent.  In this case, I listen and give an unemotional response like, "I bet that frustrated you," or "I bet that made you sad."  This is followed with "So, what are you going to do about that?"

I guess tattling doesn't bother me because I don't let it bother me.  I love that they don't tattle to me about me...then it would bother me, but when it's between them, they can handle it, and that's what I  love.

Preparing for Summer

Yes, I am a task master during the summer. I do expect my children to keep their skills up, and you know what, they don't mind it. It keeps their skills sharp and gives some direction to their days then when they start school again, they don't have to back step to catch up with what they've already learned during that past school year.

The workbooks arrived today.  Our tradition has been to go out and buy workbooks the afternoon of the day school's out for summer vacation.  We usually troop ourselves right over to Barnes & Noble, but the oldest kids are now too old for workbooks.  Last year, I bought them the item on the left.  It never got used.  I was not on top of things this past summer.  This year's going to be different.

Doing this personal finance class, I was putting together the budget for the summer and found that buying four different workbooks (starting at $10 a piece) just wasn't going to fit into the old budget--not with all the activities we have planned, so I found a way around it.  When I went to Barnes and Noble online and looked up "Summer Bridge activities," there were used workbooks I could purchase for as low as $1.99 plus shipping--taking it to half price.  They're not the newest version of the books, but that's not the point.  To them, the information inside is new because they've moved to the next grade up.  Amazon has the same deal.  Only, I found books there for as low as .01.  Wish I would have looked there first.

I share this just in case there's anyone else in the same boat who's looking to save a few dollars and keep their kids' brains active during the vacation.

Three of the books arrived today.  Two of them are brand new.  #5's book has a little bit of writing in it in pencil, so it will be easily erased, and it's only a few pages.  I'm still waiting for one more book to arrive.

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 5

I got my assignments done for today.  Now I have this great desire to get ahead.  I even had it done before my kids got home.  So, here I am blogging.  Yay!!!

So, I will now continue with this....

Week 5: Proverbs 31:22-24 Are you or a family member always hunting for a clean pair of socks? Does the laundry seem to be getting the best of you? Maybe you are always behind on doing the dishes. Write a post sharing how you deal with the never ending loads of laundry and dishes.


Proverbs 31:22-24
 22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her ^aclothing is silk and purple.

 23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

 24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

This is a good day to comment on this.  Monday is always laundry day at this house.  It's also garbage day.  By the time Monday is over, I'm a very happy woman--feeling like everything is clean and ready to go.  It's a good way to start the week.  I actually do laundry on Wednesday and Saturday too, but Monday is the big gung-ho washing day.

With a family the size of ours, you probably think we have our washing machine, dryer and dishwasher going all the time.  We do--pretty much.  The beautiful thing is, I'm not the only one making them run.

I have blogged about laundry before.  Here's the post for your perusal.  Things are going very well in that department.  I'm not sure when #4 will start having his own laundry day.  I'm thinking once you're done with school for the year, you're automatically the next grade up.  Would you agree with this?  If this is the case, he will start doing his own laundry in June.  This is probably a good idea, so he can get used to the routine while there's so much down time.

As far as dishes go, we have a white board on our fridge that keeps a list of jobs that are rotated weekly.  I believe I've posted about this before too.  Every Monday morning the jobs change.  This week it's #3's job to do dishes.  I have one thing to add to this, though.  I have recently taken it upon myself to do one load of dishes a day.  I usually do a load after the kids head for school.  They just pile up so fast and if we don't run one in the morning, I get really grumpy.  I just don't like them sitting around all day waiting for the person with the job to get home.  I'm always relieved when it's my week to do dishes, which really only happens every seven weeks.  I know that for that week, I have control of the space I spend so much time in.  The dishes are put in as they get dirty when it's my week.

Things Beyond My Control

If you've ever read any of Stephen Covey's books then you are probably well acquainted with what he has to say about "sphere of influence." Basically, the idea is that you can only control what you can control. Anything outside your sphere of influence is something you have no say over. You can't do anything about it. These are the things that Covey says we shouldn't stew about.  We have to let them go.  They are a waste of our time and energy.

With our children, there are a number of things that are outside our sphere of influence--things only they can control. These things, most of them, are bodily functions. We can't make our children sleep. We can set them up for success and give them a nice comfy place to lay down and a dark room, but the act of sleeping isn't something you can induce, or at least you shouldn't--sorry, no benadryl (I've heard of moms who do this). Another thing you can't control is going to the bathroom. You can teach them how; you can give them a place to do it, but you can't make them go, so put that enema away (ew!  Can you imagine?  No, I don't even want to go there). These bodily functions lie within our children's sphere of influence. They are the only ones who can control them. When we try to control them, they can lead to huge power struggles.

I am not the world's best potty trainer. Two of mine trained themselves--I waited that long, and although I started teaching from a very young age, I allowed them the freedom to choose when they wanted to go. #4, one day, got up, walked into the bathroom, did his business, and that was it. I never begged or pleaded, but I did start early teaching procedure and place; I just waited a VERY long time until he got it himself.  He probably just got tired of waiting for me. It seems that we worry about what the rest of the world thinks sometimes when it comes to this. We feel pressure from society.

With #5, he wasn't as motivated as the brother before him. I would invite him to go on a daily basis, but it didn't become a habit, but then it was time for preschool to start. The rule was that a child had to be potty trained. I, always thinking ahead, realized this the week before it started. Ugh! I put on the full court press--set the timer, etc. He was trained before he started school, but I had honestly waited until the last possible minute. I really wanted it to be his thing, not mine. He was old enough that once he got it, he got it.

The only reason I trained my later kids this way is because I totally blew it with my first experiences. I was all about control. It was terrible for both of us, and I paid the price for a long time.

The Warden was teaching 3rd and 4th grade at that point in time. He had a boy in his class that had daily accidents both 1s and 2s. EW!  My poor husband!  He would come home and tell me these stories, and I'd freak out. I had always heard that no child ever starts school not potty trained. This kid was the exception. I full court pressed my first from the age of two. I hated it, and so did she. When it was over, I promised I'd never do it that way again.

#7, for the past couple weeks, has come to me a number of times holding herself saying, "Peepee. Peepee." I'm sure she's learned this from the kids in nursery at church. I put her on the toilet and she sits there smiling at me innocently saying, "And now what?" with her eyes. Someday, I think....Someday. I don't plan on holding her back, and I definitely don't plan on pushing her. This is her baby.

Here are my feelings on the whole potty thing....They have to learn from their own experiences. If there's an accident, there's no need to get upset about it. It's natural; it happens. You simply teach him/her how to clean it up. After they've learned to your satisfaction, they are their own clean up crew. Don't freak no matter how much you might want to. No need to make it traumatic. It's not the end of the world--no matter how bad it is.



If he/she chooses to hold it until the last minute, so be it. The only way a child will learn to do the appropriate things sometimes is by us allowing him/her to mess up sometimes (pun intended). Yes, it's nasty, and yes, it stinks, but there is a sense of pride in being in control and knowing how to handle all aspects of life--even this one. Just teach the clean up procedure too even at night if they wet the bed.  Of course, you have to go with what's age and child appropriate.  There's no way #7's going to change her sheets if her diaper leaks at night, but #6 sure can at age 4.  He just can't reach the clean sheets in the linen closet, so that becomes the job of someone taller.  I still oversee him and encourage him as he does it, though.

When your child does it right, give him/her a pat on the back and a "good job" or an "I'm so proud of you." It's all part of growing up and we all makes mistakes. It's just that sometimes it seems like it will go on FOREVER. It won't. I promise.

Dealing with Ignoring

This was another requested post.

I mentioned in the "Whinese" post my strong feelings about being ignored.  I have to share that this is one topic I work with everyday.  It's a continual battle with this many children.  As I explain, I hope you'll see why.

We did really well with our first few children, but we eventually got tired and lazy (this is key.  Don't let this happen to you.  Please learn from my bad example).  I think we took for granted that our children didn't ignore us until we trained one to do it.  Yes, you read that right, we trained a child to ignore us--the very thing I hate.

As you already know, with little kids, you pretty much have to start from day one to help them learn what you expect.  Even if it takes you getting up and helping them learn what it feels like to be obedient.  For example, today I asked #7 to put her diaper, that I'd just changed, into the garbage.  She headed for the front door.  I realized that I had just gone with her yesterday, as we were leaving, to take a poopy one outside to the garbage can.  Remember this picture?

#6 in 2008 - Just about to take his diaper out to the garbage.

Well, turn that little boy into a girl, and you've got the idea.  We've been through all of this before.  In this case with #7, outside is not where I wanted her to go.  It's not that she's ignoring or being defiant, she is just confused, so in this case, I got up, took her by the hand, and led her to the garbage can I wanted her to throw the diaper in.  I simply trained her.

Let me take you back a couple days.  #7 threw something on the floor, and I asked her to pick it up.  She stood and stared at me.  I was pretty sure she knew what I was asking because she's done similar things before, but I wasn't sure just what was going on here.  So, what do I do?  Do I let it go?  Is it not that big of a deal?  Or, do I step in, as in the case above, take her by the hand, and lead her to do the right thing?

Let me just tell you, if it's a big enough of a deal that I ask her to do it, then it's a big enough deal for her to obey.  If I'm not willing to teach her to obey my words, I'd better not use any.

Let me just tell you, we let that previous child I was talking about in the first part of this post, get away with just standing and staring blankly at us a little too often.  This is how we trained the ignoring into said child.

How we trained our first couple kids was just what I did with #7 on that day.  I got up, took her by the hand to the thing she had dropped, I said, "Hey, let's put this away" in my best, sing-songy voice so it would sound like a really fun thing I was asking, and helped her pick it up with her hands--very gently and lovingly--giving her the benefit of the doubt that she had heard me and wanted to be obedient but for some reason didn't understand.  I helped her walk to the place where it was supposed to be put, helped her place it there, gave her a squeeze and told her, "Good job.  Way to be obedient."  No, she's 22 months, she doesn't know what that means but eventually she will, and she'll know it's a good thing because now she's feeling good about herself for doing what made her mom so happy.

First you make the request, and then you enforce it.  It's just a matter of being willing (and able) to get up and do something about it when you're being ignored.  I think I've said this before, but to my mind, it feels like so much of parenting is just unteaching bad habits and teaching the right habits to replace them.  Sometimes it's just getting a child so used to doing something that it seems natural to them after awhile.  They can't remember ever doing anything different.  Thus it is with obedience.  If we can just know that when we make a request of our kids that it might require some follow through on our part and be willing to do it, we can help them build a new habit.

The other thing I like to think is that I don't want to lie to my kids.  If I say something, darn it, I'm going to do it.  My children should know that I am one person on this planet that they can trust.  Sometimes, though, in a moment of stress, I've said things that I haven't been able to enforce.  Yikes!  This is bad news.  Again, learn from my bad example.

Years ago, we had some good friends who were newly married come to visit.  Before they left, they commented about our funny parenting style--especially in regard to how we enforced the things we said to our kids and the consequences we applied to our kids' wrong actions.  We try very hard to make things logical.  For example, if you jump on the bed, you sleep on the floor that night.  If you wake a sleeping baby, you get to go finish the baby's nap with some time in bed (yes, I know you can't make a child sleep, but my kids HATE being taken out of the action, so this is awful.  Nobody wants to wake the baby around here).

Ignoring kind of goes in cycles around here.  The kids can see when I'm busy and have learned to watch for the signs.  They've gotten pretty wise.  It's also pretty silly to take a 14-year-old by the hand to have him put something away, but I guess you could see how this goes--might embarrass him into always putting stuff away immediately when asked.  So, this is the new thing.  I have shared with my children this statement:  "The first time I ask you to do something it's a freebie.  Every time thereafter, you get an extra job to do for me."  I got four extra jobs out of the way today, and I didn't even have to lift a finger.  I know that Jim Fay (of Love and Logic fame)'d be shaking his head at me right now if he knew I asked more than once.  They say you only ask one time.  I agree with this.  Here's something I have to work on.

Even better than what I'm doing, and what I think I'm going to use in place of this is the Love and Logic idea of "energy drain."  I've used it in the past, and it's remarkable.  If something is an inconvenience for me and drains my energy (like asking for something to be done and no one moving), the child has to do something to replace that energy.  It's fabulous!  Don't tell me you've never felt the energy drain right out of you before because of something one of your children has done.  I think every mother's felt this.  I wish my mom had known about this.  There are probably times she would have been sitting around with her feet up, eating bonbons because of the rotten things us kids did that drained her energy.  That woman was a SAINT!

You simply say, "Oh wow, that really drained my energy, and because I have no energy left, I'm going to need you to replace some of it for me by...(place your job here)...."

When I used this in the past, all my kids had to hear was "drain" and "energy" and you'd hear "Oh no!"  My kids also learned the things that usually led to this drain and would eventually avoid doing them.  I wonder why I stopped doing this.  Well, no matter, it's time to pick up again.

I love it when people ask me to post about certain topics.  It makes my brain start working again and helps me put things back in perspective.  Thank you!


So, the key to overcoming ignoring is consistent follow through.  If you say it, you'd better do it, or your kids'll learn pretty quickly that you don't mean what you say, and they can do what they want anyway.  On the other hand, if you're good to your word, they learn that they can't get away with ignoring you.  You won't allow it.  This goes right back to the idea of respecting yourself as the mom.  They learn to trust you and that bond will build over the years.  One other point I want to share is the idea that when a child learns to do the right thing, he/she learns self-respect and feels good about him/herself, and who doesn't want this for their child?  I would venture to say that disobedience never feels good, but obedience is oh so very satisfying.

Here is a link to what "Love and Logic" has to say on the topic.  Hope this helps.

Whinese

I have what I refer to as migraine eyes this morning. Ugh! I also have, starting at 7am, dental appointments for ALL the kids. They will end at 1:45 this afternoon. Wish me luck. Excedrin migraine is flowing through my system, so hopefully I'll dodge the bullet and deal with the usual shakes (I'm a wimp when it comes to caffeine) and not the headache that will eventually come. I hope it at least lessens the severity. I know, wah. Wah. Poor me. Funny that I start off this post whining--no, not funny.

In keeping with parenting ideas, I thought I'd share another. I have a number of things in my children's behaviors that make me crazy--thus the "madhouse," right? One is being ignored, but the other is whining. Really CAN'T STAND it.

A friend mentioned, on facebook, the problem she was having with this (the title of this post is what she referred to it as (I got a good chuckle from that. She's just that kind of cute person), and I really felt for her. SO been there. So, although it was probably not asked for, I gave my advice. Don't you hate it when people do that? She probably groaned when she saw my message, but for anyone who hates whining as much as I do, but wasn't sure how to make it go away, here was my response to her:

Here's the way I've dealt with whining with my kids. Maybe it will help....
Set rules for yourself. "I will respond to you as soon as your voice sounds like mine." Then stick to your rule. If they whine, pretend that they're not there. They may take it up a notch or two, but stick to your guns no matter how crazy it makes you. Even if you have to go lock yourself in the bathroom to keep yourself from responding, do it. They'll catch on, and as soon as they do, go ahead and talk to them.

A day or two of pain is better than weeks, months or years.
Hope it works. Let me know.

Thanks for reading!

The Small Print

I wrote this morning's post because of a request from a friend. After I wrote it, I worried about it on and off during the day. I came to the point where I decided that I need to add a couple of disclaimers/notes about how I deal with my kids.

I guess most importantly, I don't want anyone to think that I know everything. I do a few things that feel right and good. I will share those here as they occur, but I also make millions of mistakes. I will share those here too. I'm not afraid to be real. For me, somehow it's easier to joke about my mistakes than it is write about my successes. I just have to allow myself to write about both.

So much of what I do is in response to how I was parented. Maybe someday I'll post about that in a bit more depth, so you can see why I do things that way I do.

I realize that if you don't know me or my style, you would really not get the gist of how this all works. So much of pulling this off is motive. I want to share that I don't do any of this out of meanness or in trying to manipulate my kids, and my kids are very aware of that. I, more than anything, honor my childrens' agency and know that part of their reason for being here on earth is to learn to make choices. I also believe in showing them respect. If I want it back from them, I must model it first.

In order to parent Love and Logic style, one of the main keys is, of course, love. None of this would ever work if my kids doubted my love for them. I try very hard to love and not dote. There's a huge difference. Doting does not show love. It's a control thing. I find that when I'm being controlling, I'm very stressed out. When I give up some of the control to them, I'm a much happier, easy-going mom.

My main purpose is to give my kids opportunities for growth. I believe strongly in allowing them choices. I believe in them making mistakes and learning from the experience of it all--good and bad. I'm very against spoiled kids; although, I would never assert that mine are not. I do, however, try to help them not be that way--teaching manners and how to deal with people appropriately on all levels.

My kids are very real. I am also very real. None of my kids are geniuses. None of my kids play the violin like a pro. They get good grades, but not unbelievable grades. They are good people. They are easy to like; at least I think so. They will be assets to society, or at least, I believe they will be. If we keep heading the way we are.

I hope that any little bit of my good or my bad experiences will help somebody else. I hope you either learn to do something better than I do, or learn not to do what I do. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I write. Thank you also for your encouraging comments. They mean a lot to me.

Consulting Fees

When I leave my older kids in charge and head out, which happens frequently with track season going on, I, at times, receive phone calls seeking  help in solving conflicts  help in breaking up fights   advice.  This is usually something like, "He won't let me have...." or "She's not letting me...."

To be honest, it makes me a bit crazy.  My job as mom is not to play referee, and I know that if I do it now, they will only learn that mom'll bail them out.  My feeling?  Oh, no, I won't.

So, here's what took place this past week....

I met up with the Warden at the high school track meet.  On my way, the phone rings.  Surprise!  On the other end, I hear not one, but two voices--each on their own extension.  (Note:  As I'm referring to these children as Child A and Child B, please note that they are school-aged).

Child A:  Mom, she's not letting me.....
Child B (interrupting):  Nuh uh.  I was going to let him after he...
Child A (interrupting):  But it's not fair....
Me:  Wait.  Is this something you guys can solve yourselves, or is this too tough, and you're willing to pay my consulting fees?
Child A:  What are they?
Child B:  Nah. I can solve this.  **hangs up**
  Sidenote:  I know child B's thinking, "I'm older and in charge, and I'm right, so I'm going to get my way no matter what."
Me:  My fees are (thinking quickly here, cuz when this conversation started, I had NO IDEA we were going to get to this point.  Kind of hoped he'd've hung up and said he could handle it) for every minute I'm on the phone consulting you, is a minute you work for me when I get home.
Child B:  No.  We can figure it out.
Me:  Great!  I'll talk to you later.  Just remember to think about how you're both feeling, okay?  Love you.


Later.....

Phone rings.
I'm sure you're surprised by that.

Child B:  Mom, I've asked [A] to do the dishes, so we can do what you asked but...
  (btw, I can hear Child A in the background arguing with every word Child B is saying.  It was clear he felt he was being treated more than unfairly.  Ah the injustice!)
Me (interrupting):  So, are you saying you want to pay the fees this time?
Child B:  Yah, okay, I'll give you a dollar.
Me (who NEVER has cash on hand):  Deal.

It was shared with me that Child B had had each kid that was home pick two jobs to do.  I had asked that they have lunches made, homework done, and the house clean before they turned on a show that afternoon.  They were motivated because we don't usually watch anything until Friday, so this was a real treat.

Child A had been given three jobs because he had need of repaying me for taking some note cards to him at school that day, so he had been assigned dinner for the night as that repayment, but he also had to repay Child B, who had watched the little kids while I'd run up to the school--thus, the third job.

I consulted Child B that Child A still had his agency and could choose whether to do it or not.  If he didn't do it, either the show would stay off, or he'd have to go to his room while they watched it.  I know, you can hear it now, huh?  "But Mom, that's not fair.  If we do the work, we should get to watch."

"Let me talk to your brother."

He gets on the phone and is beside himself because of how unfair life is.  THREE jobs?!!!  "But they only have to do two."

So, I start in.  I remind him that he has his choice to do it or not.  Yes, he should do the two because that's fair, but remember, "You owe [Child B] just as much as you owe me.  If you do it, great, we're both paid off, but if you choose not to do it, I will remember not to bring you things up to the school any more. By the way, how's dinner coming?"

That was pretty much the gist of the conversation.  Then we hung up.


I was curious to see what I'd find when I got home.  Guess what.  He chose to do it, and we had tacos for dinner.  They were good.

Oh, and I got a dollar out of the deal.

I guess my point here is that, as far as I see it, if a child can do it him/herself, he/she should be allowed to.  Also, as their mother, I have the responsibility of being the example of how adults should behave.  I need to show them that I'm not their doormat.  Yes, there are times when I need to step in, but those times should be few and far between--like if they're in danger.  As much as possible, they should be allowed to work things out themselves.  I have no doubt that my kids have good brains and need to use them for what they're intended.  When I step in too much, I'm showing them that I don't think they can handle it.  Truth of the matter is, most of the time, they can.

Happens Every So Often

Today was definitely one of our tougher days. I think I've gotten to be somewhat of a control freak. I take for granted that my kids are fairly obedient, but they do have phases. Right now I have two kids who are in one of those I'm-going-to-do-what-I-want-to-do phases. It also happens to correspond with the what-I-want-to-do-is-the-opposite-of-what-you-want-me-to-do-phase. Ugh!

We met in #1's room for scriptures this morning.  It was less than an idyllic setting, but it worked.  Tomorrow, #2 is the lucky winner of our company.  YAY!!!

At the end of scriptures, I lowered the boom.  The good ol' Saturday job list.  Each person in the family (the Warden and myself included) was to start with cleaning his/her bedroom and then complete his/her weekly job, but all they had to do was straighten their area.  The first person to report for family scripture study then got to choose a deep cleaning job.  This was to be done after the weekly job was completed.  The choices were vacuum, sweep and mop hard floors, glass, bathrooms, scour kitchen and clean table, yard, and garbages.

Here's the funniest thing about this list.  I LOVE doing the garbages--easiest job in the house.  It's the job EVERYONE else hates.  Honestly, if they had to choose shave your head or empty the garbages, they'd choose to go with the new hairstyle.

Because of the children I mentioned above, things were very frustrating.  Nothing I said or did motivated one of the kids.  I am at a total loss here.  My problem is that, although it's all their choice, I look back and wonder what I've done wrong--not consistent enough, not enough jobs assigned, etc.

The rest of us got our jobs done, but that one child....Ugh!  Besides that fact, I love that many hands make light work, and the house looks so much better.

When we were done, I took #1 shopping.  My toes have been hurting a lot lately.  I can't think of any reason why, but it was decided that maybe I needed a new pair of shoes.  I am not one of those women who has a dozen or more pairs of shoes.  I have one that I wear everyday and a pair for Sundays.  I also own two pairs of boots and a pair of tennis shoes.

#1 and I ran around everywhere.  Finally, at the last place--J.C. Penney's--we found the perfect pair, but they didn't have my size, so they ordered them for me.  YAY for packages arriving on my doorstep!

During our search, I found a super cute, what #1 calls "bubblegum pink," trench coat and a grey scarf with butterflies on it.  I couldn't say no to them.  I'm not one to wear super bright colors, but this coat just makes me happy.  I haven't bought anything for myself in a long time.  We also found a few things for #1, so it was a good trip.

Tonight we colored eggs, and I'm working on cupcakes for tomorrow night.  I'm now going to get breakfast prepared.  I'm making this.  Hope you have a wonderful Easter!