Tender Mercies All Around

Two posts ago, I wrote of a struggle I'm having.  Well, not really "I'm having," but I'm borrowing from one of my children.  I mentioned in that post that I knew there would be tender mercies offered to that child (do you know how hard it is not to say "him" or "her" while writing this?  Ugh!).  Well, that thought has come to pass.  Just a bit more proof that God is aware and loves my children as much as He loves all of us.

Yesterday, said child came home with a CD that was borrowed from a friend. On it, was this song along with a bunch of others from one of our favorite movies:



Last night, Z and I pulled this child aside again and had a talk (lecture--that's when it's a one-sided conversation), so yes, it was probably more of a lecture.  This is where the heart break lies.  This child has never been one to have a lecture because it's always been a two-way thing, so I have a hunch that there are things not being shared--things this child is not proud of and is afraid of the repercussions of what might happen if these things were made known.

I've gone for days with knots in my stomach--praying continually to know what to do.

Last night, during our lecture, there were things that came.  This isn't the first time this has happened as we've been dealing with this situation.  There have been many words placed in our mouths by a God who loves my child.  Phew!  Alone, I know I'd fail, so glad He's there for us.

One thing I asked last night was if this child felt like he/she was the same child he/she was even a few months ago.  The reply was "No," accompanied by an uncomfortable look on this child's face.  The face said that there was some amount of regret.  I suggested that there seemed to be some level of self-respect gone that might become hard to reclaim if things go on much longer.  I felt just what I needed to say next.  It was that this child has to learn to be strong...NOW.

The problem has been that this child, as we have urged, has been using Z and me as an excuse not to do things with friends.  We have always told our children that we will always be the bad guy if they need us to be.  This has been going on.  The only problem is that if this is used, then the friend says, "Oh, but you don't feel that way, so let's just skirt around your parents, and they'll never know."  I'm surmising here, but that's what I'm assuming has been happening.  It's as if the parents are pulling one way, the friends are pulling the other way, and the child is in the middle--a pawn being pushed and pulled.  This child, at this point, hasn't known what to do, so I urged this child to take a stand--to become "firm, steadfast, and immovable."  It's time to become your own voice.  "My parents said I couldn't do that, and I agree with them.  I don't want to do that."

I'm sharing this because I wonder how many kids find themselves in this same situation.

I think, when this child went to bed last night, there was a feeling of being empowered.  There was an understanding that this child was strong and could defend and take care of him/herself.  All the decisions of what to do in these kinds of situations have been made from his/her earliest days.  Now it's just a matter of using what is already known.

This morning, I could hear the above song playing over and over again.  It came from the struggling child's room.  Through the halls of my house, I could hear a tender mercy.  I could hear a child empowering him/herself and gearing up for the day ahead.  I knew that this song was singing to my child that my child's heart was strengthening.

I am left with one feeling He loves my children, and I need to trust Him.  I'm not nearly as worried today.

A Little Perspective

With feeling so down today, I realized that I need to return to the lessons I've been learning lately.  The two predominant ones are of gratitude and service.  These two things, above all else, seem to put life back into perspective.  So, today I need to create a list of the things I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

I am thankful for:

• patient, smart, understanding, trusting parents who raised me and set a good example that I can lean on now.
• wonderful children who teach me more about life and make me stretch into someone I couldn't have ever become without them.
• the perspective that life is a journey and that there are always turns in the road--there are lows and highs and things are always changing.
• a loving, living Heavenly Father who knows me personally and sends me little reminders that He's aware of me.
• a home to live in that fits our needs and keeps us safe and warm.
• my husband's job that keeps clothes on our backs, food on our table, shelter over our heads and some of the pleasures of life, but just the right amount so we are learning to draw a line.
• safety.
• rain that makes the grass green and helps the flowers grow.
• sun that warms me and cheers me from the outside in.
• great people in my life that inspire me and teach me that life can just get better and better.
• each new day in which I can do better than yesterday.
• forgiveness.
• a husband who was intended just for me; who is patient; and whom I get to figure out how to live with and love for the rest of eternity.
• an understanding of the gospel--to know that this life is not the end.
• the keys to a happy life that I learn through prophets' words.

Dread

There is one enormous drawback to having seven kids... 

When one is having a hard time, it's as if my whole world is falling apart.  Thankfully, it has been rare that more than one is struggling at a time--a tender mercy I'm sure. 

I have been silent recently because one of my kids is having a hard time.  I don't dare share any details at all, but my heart feels like it's breaking.  I've counseled and counseled with this child, but to no avail.  I have to let this child face the consequences for the choices being made, but it's killing me.  It's the old been there, done that, didn't like what followed scenario.  Ugh!  It would be so nice to go through life as if it were a field of daisies, but this is not why we're here, huh?  I keep reminding myself of that, but it's not helping much.  I have to remember that God is as aware of my children as much as He is of me, and that there are tender mercies to be had for my children too.  I just hate the feeling that my hands are tied.  I just need to trust that He will help take care of this situation.  All I can do is pray.

I had no idea I put my mother through these kinds of feelings when I was a kid.  Wow!  How sorry I am now.

Sometimes Life is Hard

Decisions....

Ugh!  Sometimes they're so hard to make.

Sometimes you know what you're supposed to do.  You know what would be in your best interest, but in order to do that, you have to change course.  You have to cancel plans that you've made.  Plans that might even affect others.  Sometimes those plans even affect others in big ways.  Plans you made even though you knew that what you were doing wasn't right, but you hoped those feelings that it was wrong would somehow magically change to feel right.  What a surprise that they never do.  Wrong is just always wrong.  No matter how many different ways we try to make it right and thus avoid the hard things that go along with the change.

What would have happened had we just listened to those feelings before committing so much time and effort into what we knew deep down we could never, not in a million years, change.  Is it that we would have missed out on a lesson?  Or could it be that we missed out on other, better lessons by ignoring those feelings?

I would love to be one of those people who always listens.  I feel like, as I'm getting older, I'm finally learning to listen and respond based on what I hear and feel a bit more consistently, but I'm still not great at this.  I still feel like a little kid in so many ways regarding this.  I want what I want to be the best thing for me.  So many times it's not.  Why can't I just learn to follow that?  Why can't I trust that?

Ugh!

Decisions....

Aspirations of a Three-Year-Old

Yesterday, as we drove in the car, T sat right behind me.  Suddenly he said, "Someday, I'm going to be big, and...I'm going to have a loose tooth, and...I'm going to whistle, and...I'm going to have money, and...I'm going to Chuck E. Cheese, and...I'm going to have a donut.

Ahh!  If life could just be this simple!  I think when it all comes down to it, I really, deep down, want these things too...well, all but the loose tooth.