Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I turned on facebook yesterday and walked away. When I returned, there was a chat box open. I have no idea how long it had been sitting there, but it was a friend from high school.
Although she was a year older than me, we spent a number of days sitting next to each other in band. Wendy asked me how I knew one of our mutual friends and then asked me if I had ever done open mic comedy. I had to laugh. Of course not!
Now, in her grown up years, that's what Wendy does. She's a comedienne. Of course she is. She was hilarious in high school. She was my kind of person--always laughing.
She invited me to come do open mic comedy with her. What? Me? No. I couldn't. What the heck would I say that would make anybody laugh--anybody but me, that is. I'm not funny to other people. I crack jokes when I'm uncomfortable. I crack jokes to keep myself from crying. I crack jokes to put others at ease. Humor is a survival tactic--but I learned quite young to use the words "just kidding" to clarify for those who might not get the joke. I've gotten that blank stare a few too many times.
I started thinking about the funny things in my life. Things that, if I were a serious person, could not exist in my life. Things like a husband who is fourteen inches taller than me. Things like seven children. Things like driving the short bus as the family car. If I were a normal and sane person, these things just couldn't be. I'd have to be able to laugh to have these things. But, they are mine, and give me something to laugh about almost daily.
So, I will never do stand up comedy, but I will continue to laugh at life. I'm flattered that she asked and that someone else in this world actually thinks I'm funny; that it's somebody I find funny too is especially flattering. I'm so glad that someone else gets my jokes.
Posted by Julie Hess at 4:22 PM
Friday, May 21, 2010
Do I really have to say anything more?
Posted by Julie Hess at 11:00 AM
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sorry to be so cryptic lately, but I don't want to betray my children in their hard times.
I spoke with this child yesterday and just felt like he/she was going to give up and didn't really care any more. It was going to be too much work. I didn't understand how someone who had such great abilities could have so little ambition. Dang! If I was that good at anything, I'd knock down anything that stood in my way so I could be successful. I wasn't sure what to say in response to these feelings.
In short, when my children fail, I feel like so much of it is my failure. What have I done wrong? What could I have taught better? What example have I set that has caused this outcome? You know, the usual. Bring on the mother guilt.
Today, it just so happens that I got to read my favorite chapter in all of the scriptures during my study time--Ether 12. I honestly don't know what makes it my favorite, but every time I read it, it reasserts itself as it touches my heart and helps me know it's all possible. I think it's just that the basics are so clearly outlined. It all just seems so do-able. I feel an incredible amount of hope as I read this chapter.
As I read it just now, I felt how it applied to the current situation. Here's just a couple little snippets of what I read and understood just in case you ever feel like I'm feeling (excuse the markings, they are from readthescriptures.com)...
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I realized that my current situation has me feeling weak. I had no response for a child who has given up. I felt sorry and sad, but I had no words. This is an opportunity for me to humble myself; to call on God and let Him handle it. My handing it to Him is the exercising of my faith. Only through this, can the weak become strong. I realized that motherhood, though easy at times, will never been completely easy. No matter how many children you raise, there will always be opportunities to be uncomfortable. There will always be situations that lead to personal growth.
29 ...thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith;
Inasmuch as I am humble--to that degree--He will help me carry the burden, bless me with grace, guide my path and get me through it all.
4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
I do believe in God, and I do believe and hope that He will make my world better. I can't hope for this if I don't exercise faith in order to have it. I have to rely on Him no matter how pig-headed I am; no matter how much I doubt; no matter how hard it is to get on my knees. I HAVE to do it if I really hope for it. I have to overcome all of these weaknesses in my personality.
I love the idea that faith will create an anchor for my soul. In this world in which very few know where they stand on any given issue. I love that these simple steps can make me sure-footed. I can be made firm and unwavering and become more Christ-like; "always abounding in good works." In other words, I can become the kind of mom to my kids that I've always dreamed of being. It just takes a lot of trials, humility at such times, and a whole lot of leaning in the right direction as I search for help to get me through each time.
Here's the clincher:
37 ...thou hast been faithful; wherefore, thy garments shall be made clean. And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong....
What great promises! What a wonderful tender mercy for today. Here's to hope and to strength!
Posted by Julie Hess at 3:03 PM
I just thought I'd take a little perusal of my follower line-up at the bottom of this blog and got a bit of a surprise. I'm not sure I like its placement currently--my follower list, that is. I never look at it any more. When it was closer to the top in the sidebar, I used to see that people had started to follow me and go directly to their blogs. Well, today, after such a long time of not looking, I got a bit of a surprise. Today, I found that someone that my family considers famous is following me...ME?! Woah! Q's gonna flip.
Posted by Julie Hess at 1:09 PM
Posted by Julie Hess at 1:01 PM
Monday, May 17, 2010
Why do I so eagerly make their problems my own? Why do I somehow blame myself for their failures? Why is it that I can turn that pointing finger around to myself and find a million and a half reasons how I've done them wrong? Do all mothers do this?
Posted by Julie Hess at 11:10 PM
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I drove a bunch of middle schoolers around to a few of the elementary schools in the area so they could play their band instruments for the little kids. One of the middle schoolers referred to the Beast as "that thing." Ugh!
It is "the Beast" or "the short bus," or even the "Hessmobile" but never "that thing" as in "are we going in 'that thing?'" or "Wow! What is 'that thing?'" or "How do you drive 'that thing?'" or "Look at all the kids in 'that thing!'"
It's really a lovely thing to ride in. I'd let you drive it if you ever asked. It's not as intimidating as it might look. Hmm. Fitting. Reminds me of some of the people in my life.
Posted by Julie Hess at 2:19 PM
Monday, May 10, 2010
T's gone to my friend's house this morning. L's down for her nap. The Verizon guy's already been here to reconnect my phone and claim our line back from Comcast. They were supposed to do our internet too, but he didn't have that order, so we'll wait another day or two. I'm still stuck on the desk with the ethernet cable. Ugh! I look forward to the freedom of wireless again. It's just too hard to spend any amount of time stuck attached to the desk with small children running around.
There are so many things I could do with my morning. I can't seem to decide which I want to do first. I need to redo my study schedules and want to reassess the daily task list I've made for myself. Today is laundry day, so the washer is my background music at this point and that will continue for the day. I want to blog. I want to get my house in order. There are just really so many things that need to be done. I look forward to the day when I can feel good about sitting down with a book or just lay in a bubble bath, but for now, I will work my way toward that kind of free time.
I've adopted the idea that something is better than nothing. So, even if I only do a little bit of something it's better than sitting around being overwhelmed by everything.
I've been learning a lot about being a mom to teenagers lately. I will blog about that later. For now, I'm off to finish sweeping the kitchen and finish filling the dishwasher.
Posted by Julie Hess at 9:55 AM