Thursday, August 19, 2010

Control Freak

Now that I'm pretty sure nobody reads my blog any more because I never write, I can write anything I want to and not fear anyone's reaction, right?

If you see the time stamp at the bottom of this post, you'll see that it's dang late.  I'm still up for a number of reasons.  Reason #1:  It's HOT!  As they went to bed tonight, the kids asked Z if the was going to turn on the air conditioning.  His response, "No, it's plenty cool outside.  Just open a window." 

Well, the windows are open, and I'm boiling.

Reason #2:  I'm worrying about a lot of things right now, but I won't bore you with those.  Just know that tomorrow I take my second exam for this stats class.  I've been attempting to study and have rescheduled this test four times.  I am bound and determined to take it tomorrow.  This class has been a HUGE reason for my lack of blogging.  It's taken up a ton of my time.

Another thing on my mind is my eldest.  I used to think I was a great mom for her, but I don't lately.  She is a great kid, but we're clashing a bit on things lately, and I think I'm being too controlling.  I need to step back and trust her, but I see her becoming so much like I was as a teenager, and I don't want her to be like me.  I wasn't a horrible teen, but just rebellious enough.  In being so controlling, though, it's almost like I'm pushing her in that direction.

Don't you just love my blithering?  I just needed to do this tonight.  It's therapeutic.

The stats class is ruling my life right now, and I'm sick of it.  I have to study everyday (I don't study on Sunday's, so that's a nice reprieve), so I don't fall behind.  The concepts are difficult, and I'm almost certain that I'll never use them again after this class is over.  My goal is to be finished on September 30th. 

I've been losing weight.  Roughly eight more to go.  That's been good.  I joined in on this "sugar pot" challenge, which I think I've mentioned here before, and it's been good for me.  I won't stick with it after August 31st, but it was good while it lasted.

You should see the ginormous pile of laundry that's sitting next to me right now.  I washed everything today, which is somewhat miraculous as I've just finished cleaning out every  kid's room but Q's.  Their rooms are gorgeous!  T has always had a problem with throwing his clothes all over his room, so I took them out.  They are in a small dresser in my closet.  Talk about control issues...  Wow!  I really didn't used to be like this.  I'm just sad that he has to live in such a sty.  I want him to live in peaceful surroundings, so there you have it.  Over time, he'll get it all back.  As for now, he comes into my room at bed time, and I have him pick out his jammies and his clothes for the next day from my closet.

In my absence, the background that I loved disappeared, so I had to choose a new one.  I don't like the one I just put on, so I'm going to choose another here in a minute, but as I was looking through them, I started to get really excited about blogs, an I realized how much I've missed reading them more than writing on mine.  This is the blog I started missing tonight.  I love her...she's just so...real.  No faking it.  No sugar coating.  Just how life is.  What's better than that?


Alyson said...

I did not really love my one statistics class; even after a lifetime of studying math there were a bunch of functions on my calculator I didn't know how to use correctly. Kudos for all your hard work.

And about forcing eldest into rebellion with control: you may nudge her now and then, but don't you find that kids are who they are, down to the core, regardless of what we do? (Within reason, I mean; given a mom who loves them and stays home and tries her darnedest, not given a clubbing, drinking, absentee mom.) The trick is to not take their behaviors personally (because usually they really don't have that much to do with us) while simultaneously striving to inspire their best.

Which is quite a trick.

Mom2my10 @ 11th Heaven said...

Okay, this is really weird! I just happened to see that you had visited my blog on my blog frog widget, so I thought I'd come see what's up with you. I was happy to see your cute baby almost walking, then I read this entire post and wanted to leave a comment, then I saw a link to my blog and such a sweet compliment at the end! Thank you so much, Julie. I love you!

Julie said...

Thanks for the advice Alyson. The not taking it personally part is what I needed to hear.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog, Jen. I really hope we can meet face to face someday. I think your blog was one of the first I really read and read almost daily when I started blogging. I just think you're so amazing! Thanks for writing what you do and how you do!

Janiece said...

I have vinyl letters above my door...
It says "Be Good, Have Fun, Remember Who You Are"....
it was just a little reminder to the kids and me :o).

My daughter and I butted heads for a few she is my dearest friend.

vaxhacker said...

Julie, my dear friend, I don't think you could be a bad mom if you tried. You struggle through the tough times like all of us do, but you're doing so much to love and teach and support them all. Every child will also struggle to find who they are and how to figure out this "life" thing. And inevitably that involves some amount of struggling against parental advice and control. Be glad that she loves and trusts you enough to try flexing her freedom and agency with you, knowing that she's in a safe place to do that, and that ultimately you will protect her, even from herself.

Best of luck with the class. I'm contemplating launching into that myself, and I'm really dreading the amount of work that may entail, so I can feel for your pain there.

And of course we are still here, waiting with baited breath to read what you have to say! :) As, I'm sure, are... um... both... of the people who read mine :) Ok, maybe not.

But at least from what I observed by having a couple of sisters and a wife, it seems somewhat traditional that mothers and daughters will have periods of butting heads and at least a little conflict. In the end, the lucky ones go through that and remain great friends. My money is on that future for you and her.

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