Monday, July 19, 2010

Cogs

See that cog that sits underneath all the others yet all the other cogs rotate around it?  Well, that's me. 

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed this evening.  I have some major studying to do.  I'm currently five days behind in my school work, and it's not getting any better.  I keep trying to play catch up only to fall behind again.

I woke up very tired this morning.  I didn't even go to bed late.  I got up early to take Q to take care of a friend's dog while the friends are out of town, and I took G to the eye doctor for a 7:40am appointment--at which I practically fell asleep with my head rested against the wall behind me.  I don't remember ever waking up so tired.  Strange.

With summer, I feel like all the other cogs are my kids, my husband, my expectations for myself, my calling, even the dog, and they all keep rotating off me all day long.  No one goes off to school, so they rotate around me.  I love having them here.  I love being with them, but I have to, at some point, put this school stuff first and have them rotate off each other. 

My goal is to have this class finished by August 31st.  It can be done, I just have to make the time and use it without feeling guilty about losing out on time with the kids.  Before I know it, they'll be back in school, and summer will be over.  Will I feel I used my time with them wisely? 

At that point, our cogs will still be connected but at a bit of a distance for a good part of the day.  They won't be creating more messes than any of us can handle, and I will feel more freedom to choose to use my time as I want to for at least part of the day.

Ah the continual struggle of striking a balance.

3 comments:

meganconser said...

Can I help you Julie? I would love to come over and hang out and let you dissapear while the hess machine keeps chugging....

When I was set apart for my primary calling I was blessed with the ability to find balance. I wish I could have that entire blessing down on paper so I could refer to it, but the balance part is the part that has stuck with my head. So while this calling is about teaching the sweet little ones and the blessing was meant for that purpose, it spills over and blesses me in other parts of my life. For that I am grateful.

I think with your load I am just impressed you keep your head above water! You do so much and help so many people- the world would not be the same without you! At least mine certainly wouldn't. Hang in there- and know you are loved and that you will do what you have on your plate, because simply you will do what you have to. I love you JUlie!

Queen Bee said...

Thanks for posting this! I feel about the same right now. I'm trying to finish my certification as a Childbirth Educator and keep on top of all the summer things. I feel like I'm not balancing all of it very well at all! I then I wonder, should I just forget it and spend time with them instead? I think keeping a balance will be something I struggle with my whole life! If you figure it out, let me know :)

vaxhacker said...

I've felt that way so many times, it just seems like a constant state now :|

What can I do to lend you a hand?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...