ABC Tag

My friend Rebecca tagged me to do this, so here it goes.

The rules are :
1. To each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you
2. Tag 6 people to do this next.

A - Aedan
B - Brevin
C - casual
D - Dierden
E - enthusiastic
F - frugal
G - Gannon
H - Hamm (my maiden name)
I - ice cream - I LOVE it.
J - joyful
K - kickback
L - Lachlan
M - morbid? I love cemetaries.
N - nesting - one of the great things about being "P"
O - outspoken; opinionated; obnoxious; outlandish....
P - pregnant
Q - Quinlan
R - Ruth - my mom's name and my middle name.
S - student
T - Teagen
U - unique - just like everybody else in the world
V - vocal
W - waistline - no longer have one, but will again someday.
X - xanthan gum - something I'm sure I ingest every single day of my life, but what exactly is it?
Y - yawning - it's past my bedtime, so good night.
Z - Zan - Yay that I married a man with a "Z" name and named a child with a "Q" name just for the reason of being able to fill in the spaces on this list.

I tag:
Paige, Jenny, Danielle, Darilyn, Tonya, and Vaxhacker

A Little Clearer than Mud Now

Heard from the OB today. He clarified the terms in the test results. No wonder I was so confused. You should read the results--oh my GOSH! You'd have to have a PhD to understand them. Here's what he wrote today:

"IgG is an immune component that indicates an exposure from a long time ago, and in a lot of cases indicates a long-term immunity. IgM is an immune component that, if elevated, indicates a current infection. Your profile most likely indicates that you were exposed at some point in the past (probably well before this pregnancy) but do not have a current infection."

Wahooooo! So glad to finally understand. Glad to have an G and not an M. Ha ha as if I knew what either of those was before.

Back to the Calm Life

I just have to apologize for all the drama lately. Life is usually fairly sedate around here. Thank you for all your prayers, phone calls, emails, love and concern. I'm grateful to have such good friends.

Whew!!!

So many things to learn....

I got an email from Kaiser last night and thus read the results of the blood test run for fifth disease. I emailed my doctor (or the one acting for my doctor while she's out of town) to make sure I was understanding what I was reading.

It looked like the worst case scenario--recently exposed with no antibodies present to protect against the disease and thus protect the baby from possible heart failure and miscarriage. I read it to Z, and he agreed that it sounded like the worst. I would be happy to share these results with you if you know how to interpret these kinds of things. As I look back at them even now, I'm not sure of what they're saying.

As I went to bed last night, I was worried. I have received blessings through the priesthood since this pregnancy began that have been very positive and encouraging. Yet, I still hope that I am doing my part to see these come to pass--that I am being wise and faithful.

Before I went to bed, I realized that I hadn't yet read my scriptures for the day. I turned to where I left off--1 Nephi 17:25. I don't usually stop in the middle of chapters, but for some reason I did the other night.

In this part of the Book of Mormon, Nephi is talking to his brothers, and yet again, trying to persuade them to do what is right in the sight of God. Oh, I mean, he was talking to me.

He shares that the children of Israel were led out of bondage by Moses. I love that he says something along the lines of "and we know that this was a good thing." He talks about how the Red Sea was parted for them, the Egyptians were drowned, they were fed manna, and Moses clave the rock for them that they could have water to drink. They were led every day. It was evident. Yet they still hardened their hearts and sought for more when the going got tough. They were insatiable in their desires to God.

Woah! Is this to me, or what? I felt very chastened. I AM fed manna daily. He leads me and give me evidence of His existence daily. I KNOW He's there. I know He loves me. There is no question in my mind, but how quickly I am to become Laman.

My dad called this morning. He never calls (or I guess rarely would be fairer to say). I think the last time he called me was about six months ago or more. I call him. My mom was always that caller. I was surprised. It was 7:30am. I was just about to walk the kids out the door. He asked how I was. I told him, "Okay." He responded with, "Just okay?" He said he had a number of things to talk to me about and to call him when I had a minute. I told him I was walking the kids out the door, and I'd call him in a few minutes.

It worked out perfectly, G's home because he had a fever yesterday, so he stayed with the little boys, and I walked DJ and B to school. I called my dad on the way home, and we talked the entire way--just me and him; no interruptions.

I believe that everybody needs someone in their lives who is going to give them the straight scoop no matter what. Someone who doesn't worry about hurting their feelings, but lovingly tells them what's what. That has always been my dad for me. After he remarried, this person disappeared, and we became more like acquaintances. Today, he was back; just when I needed him (tender mercy).

He told me the things he needed to, and then I shared with him my new worries. He reassured me that I was worrying about things that I didn't need to. Then, in his patriarchal wisdom, he told me that I needed to petition the Lord to ratify the priesthood blessings and bring them to pass on my and Lachlan's behalf. This was just what I needed to hear; something proactive that I could do.

After hanging up the phone, I went back into the house. I think I paced out in front of my garage door talking to him for about 20 minutes--I had nearly worn a path. If you wonder about the newly formed moat at the top of our driveway, you'll now understand.

I went straight up to my room, locked the door, and got on my knees. I did just what my dad had advised. After saying "amen," I felt great peace and comfort.

I got up, and the phone rang. It was Kaiser. The nurse on the other end told me that she was calling with my test results. She said that the test had come back negative--I had the antibodies against fifth disease. For a moment I thought I'd better clean my ears out to make sure I was hearing correctly. She followed that up with, "So there is no worry about you harming this little one with this in anyway."

I hung up the phone and got back on my knees.

Shaken Again...Dang, I Need a Mental Health Day

Don't feel much like smiling tonight.

Got the results back from the blood test. Looks as though I have recently been exposed to the virus and that I do not have the antibodies in my system. It is requested that I go back in a week from Thursday for another blood test.

What does this mean? I don't know.

The doctor yesterday said it was worst in the first trimester, but the pediatrician said the second. The other thing the OB said was that it would be very unusual for this to cause miscarriage, but it could also cause growth complications later on.

So, please keep us in your prayers.

Shaken but Standing Stronger

Note: Before you read this post, please know that it's a bit lengthy and personal. I had to share it, but I hope that you will read it with an open heart. Please also note that pregnancy is a big topic for me right now, and I know that it can get a bit tiring to hear about another woman's pregnancy experiences. If you choose not to read this, I completely understand and won't be hurt in the slightest. Oh, one last thing, I hope that the feelings I express here are shared by anyone who reads this--I hope you already have the same joy I am only beginning to understand.


This past week, I've been a bit preoccupied. After seeing the doctor with Teagen, and his diagnosis that it wasn't fifth disease, put my mind at ease quite a bit, and I was ready to move on.

Quite a bit later, I checked to see that I had new comments made to my updated post. It is true that I 'm not one looking for someone to sugar-coat everything for me and actually get a bit annoyed when it seems that others aren't being completely truthful and straightforward, but I don't find that to be the case with those of you who read my blog--thank you! Thank you for being willing to take the time to help me out. Thank you for sharing yourselves and your experiences with me, so that I can be that much more informed.


After reading comments the other day, I realized that I wasn't out of the woods as far as fifth's goes. Many doubts entered my mind, which I shouldn't have allowed--what if the doctor was wrong? What if the blood test comes back that I have no immunities? And worst of all--what if I lose this baby? So, needless to say, it's been a mentally taxing week full of resurrected worry.

It built in me a new appreciation for this little one growing inside me and what she must go through on a daily basis. It also made me understand what a blessing this is--to have another child. Since becoming aware of her presence back in November, I have felt that enthusiasm grow out of nothing, very gradually, but it seems that there are daily experiences and lessons that help prepare me for what lies ahead.

There have been interesting trials with this pregnancy that I've never had before. Each of these has helped me understand out how sometimes we come to understand our greatest blessings only by those same blessings be tried and potentially taken away. I am grateful for this new lesson in my life.

Three days after I found out I was pregnant, I started spotting. I realized that I had a choice to make. I could help out either way--just keep going and running and pushing myself like always and choose my own will--the easy way out, or I could lay low and take it easy, which is against my nature as a mother and choose Father in Heaven's will for our family. I knew what I had to choose. Because I was forced into making that choice, my will has been changed.
With the fifth disease scare, I realized that in this case, it had nothing to do with a choice, I had to be totally and completely reliant on Him. Ugh! Not an easy thing--at least for me.

I am grateful for how well He knows me. I'm grateful for how He knows what it's going to take to make me a bit more (I'm sorry I don't know as good a word for it in English) sunao (here's the definition from freedict.com--"obedient, meek, docile, unaffected." All these things wrapped into one; great word, huh?).

As for now, Lachlan continues to make her tiny presence known, and I am pleased to know that she will yet be ours. I also know that as far as the outcome of all of this, it's in the Lord's hands, and I must submit to that--of course I must do the best I can do as far as my own will is concerned, but any farther than that, I must lean on Him.

Today, another lesson was sent my way. A great tender mercy, and I was overwhelmed by it and still feel like I don't have the full grasp of what was being said. We were sitting in Sunday School, and Brother Moulton was teaching.

At the end of his lesson, it seemed that he suddenly turned from his original plan, he turned to the women in the room and asked, "Sisters, do you feel that you lack any of the blessings of the priesthood?" I shook my head as I pondered on the importance of this question. He looked me in the face and said, "Do you?"

I quietly answered, "I have the lion's share." I'm not sure where these words came from because I wasn't actively thinking them, but as I said them, they sunk into my heart as I realized the truth. I knew Z felt what I was feeling at that moment. The entire rest of the lesson added to those feelings.

Brother Moulton closed his lesson with this. The icing on the cake:

Parable of the Treasure and Keys

"Once a man received as his inheritance two keys. The first key, he was told, would open a vault which he must protect at all cost. The second key was to a safe within the vault which contained a priceless treasure. He was to open this safe and freely use the precious things which were stored therein. He was warned that many would seek to rob him of his inheritance. He was promised that if he used the treasure worthily, it would be replenished and never be diminished, not in all eternity. He would be tested. If he used it to benefit others, his own blessings and joy would increase.

"The man went alone to the vault. His first key opened the door. He tried to unlock the treasure with the other key, but he could not, for there were two locks on the safe. His key alone would not open it. No matter how he tried, he could not open it. He was puzzled. He had been given the keys. He knew the treasure was rightfully his. He had obeyed instructions, but he could not open the safe.

"In due time there came a woman into the vault. She too held a key. It was noticeably different from the key he held. Her key fit the other lock. It humbled him to learn that he could not obtain his rightful inheritance without her.

"They made a covenant that together they would open the treasure and, as instructed, he would watch over the vault and protect it; she would watch over the treasure. She was not concerned that, as guardian of the vault, he held two keys, for his full purpose was to see that she was safe as she watched over that which was most precious to them both. Together they opened the safe and partook of their inheritance. They rejoiced, for, as promised, it replenished itself.

"With great joy they found that they could pass the treasure on to their children; each could receive a full measure, undiminished to the last generation.

"Perhaps some few of their posterity would not find a companion who possessed the complementary key, or one worthy and willing to keep the covenants relating to the treasure. Nevertheless, if they kept the commandments, they would not be denied even the smallest blessing.

"Because some tempted them to misuse their treasure, they were careful to teach their children about keys and covenants.

"There came, in due time, among their posterity some few who were deceived or jealous or selfish because one was given two keys and another only one. 'Why,' the selfish ones reasoned, 'cannot the treasure be mine alone to use as I desire?'

"Some tried to reshape the key they had been given to resemble the other key. Perhaps, they thought, it would then fit both locks. And so it was that the safe was closed to them. Their reshaped keys were useless, and their inheritance was lost.

"Those who received the treasure with gratitude and obeyed the laws concerning it knew joy without bounds through time and all eternity.

"I bear witness of our Father’s plan for happiness, and bear testimony in the name of Him who wrought the Atonement, that it might be."

From an address by Elder Packer in the October 1993 general conference of the Church (see Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 27–31; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 21–24).

This unexpected blessing in my life just adds that much more to what I enjoy in this life. I feel like I have it all; or can have if I live right. I so want to live right

I Only Have a Second

Gotta run some kids out the door and up to the school, but I thought I'd give a quick update of yesterday's happenings with the doctor.

I called, and the ob told me to go in and have a blood test run to see if I have the immunities for fifth disease. I was then transferred to the pediatrics office and made an appointment for the early afternoon.

By yesterday morning, the rash had paled in color but was still very sandpaper-like.

We saw Dr. Hamill (not our regular doctor, but he was GREAT!). T is my hardest kid so far at the doctor's office, but the dr. came in, told T he was going to look in his ears but before he did, he needed to give T the proper tools. He handed him a tongue depressor, the reflex hammer and a little black, cone-like thing for checking his ears (don't know what it's called, but you know what I'm talking about). He asked T to hold each one for him. This completely distracted T from what was going on. It was all a breeze. I have to make a note here, that I have recommitted myself to "Jim Fay"ing the kids at our home, which has made a BIG difference in T even in two days. I think this may have affected his behavior yesterday as well.

So, the result, Dr. Hamill doesn't believe it is Fifth Disease but just a viral rash. He has no signs of a rash on his extremities and isn't extremely sick respiratorily (is that a word?), so just part of the virus?

I went down and got the blood test done anyway. I meet with my dr. on Monday afternoon, but they probably won't have the results by then, so we'll see some time next week.

One thing Dr. Hamill did tell me, which I didn't know, and I've heard varying things, is that Fifth Disease is most dangerous in the 2nd trimester (right where I am), so let's hope for immunity, or that it's not Fifth Disease.

By the way, if you're a Kaiser patient, I highly recommend Dr. Hamill. If I ever have to change from the pediatrician that we love so much, he might just be my second choice.

Just a Little Nervous

T's had a rash on his face for the past few days. I haven't really thought much about it. A couple of my kids, especially those with asthma, tend to be a bit rashy from time to time, so I usually don't stress about it knowing it's just going to pass.

Well, to see if I could figure out what this was tonight, I did a quick search on webmd. After finding what I thought it might be, I did an image search on google. This is what I think it is.

This is pretty much what it looks like (although this is not T in the photo).

I know it is foolish to search for health info online, but I was curious about the risks to an unborn child caused by fifths, so I found this.

So, I'm curious. Has anyone else dealt with this during pregnancy or heard more information than what I've found here? It sounds like the risk is fairly minimal, but I think I'll call both the pediatrian and ob tomorrow to rule out any problems. If there's anything you'd be willing to share of your knowledge, I'd be very grateful. It might help me rest better tonight.

What About Bruce?

A few weeks ago, Z asked T where the baby was. T told him that the baby was "hiding." A pretty typical answer from a two-year-old, I thought. Then came the surprise--Z asked what the baby's name was. T responded with "Bruce."

We only know one Bruce, and T doesn't even know his name, I don't think. Not sure where this name came from, but I'm having a hard time transitioning from it. In order to avoid calling this little one "it," we've used the code name "Bruce."

We are now trying to teach T the baby's real name, which will be Lachlan.

I think I must just be a rebel at heart. No surprise to those of you who know me really well, I'm sure--I think it's in my blood. Q's name is found in the boy's section of the baby name books, T's name is found in the girl's. Lachlan is also a boy's name. I just think it is so pretty and has a bit of a feminine lilt to it, but not in a gaggingly frilly way. If this baby had been a boy, I would never have used this name for him. My heart is just so set that it's a girl's name. Q was the very same way. I could never have used her name had she been a boy.

Someone also asked me if I was afraid this child would be teased as being Lach Hess--like the Loch Ness monster. To be honest, that wouldn't bother me in the slightest--quirky and fun. We Hesses all know how to take a joke and laugh at life, so that would just assure us that this little one would be able to laugh at herself--a quality very necessary in this day and age most especially if you're an inmate of this madhouse.

Who knows, as a nickname, we may even call her Bruce.

That's Right, Folks!

Complete SHOCK!!!

There were similar physical signs with both of my girls. I pretty much knew DJ was a girl because of those symptoms. With the boys, there were no such signs. There were none with this one, so I was SURE it was a boy.

When we went in today, we took five of the six kids with us. The vote in the car was 4 to 1 for a boy. DJ held out hope.

The kids had to wait in the waiting room while we did the major part of the ultrasound. Z and I went into the room. The tech asked if we wanted to know gender, and we told her that yes, we wanted to know. I assumed shed'd wait until the entire crew of inmates was there before revealing it to us. But, ohhhhh no.

One moment she put the probe on my belly; the next moment, before I even could make out what we were looking at, she said, "It's a girl."

Woah!!! So what I wanted to hear, but so what I was not expecting! I put my hands over my eyes just trying to absorb what she'd just told me.

My mom told me that after having three boys all she could think about was a girl when I was born. I now know what she was feeling. Isn't modern technology great? I can't imagine the anticipation of waiting to the very end at this point. We chose not to find out the sex of our two oldest kids, but I just don't think I could have stood it with this one. It's now nice to be able to prepare.

Hello?

Is anybody still out there? Have you all lost interest all together because of my lack of blogging? I have been choosing sleep over blogging lately--just tired a lot of the time. I never realized how much sleep time I was sacrificing to blog therapy--but man was it worth it. Pregnancy at age 40, I've decided requires different sacrifices. Sleep is just one of those things I am compelled to participate in right now.

So, here's the big scoop. This baby's been cookin' for 20 weeks now. Hard to believe we're half way. It's gone by sooo fast. Today is the big gender-exposing ultrasound. We're all very excited here. I figure, when we know, I'll change the color of my background to match. If it remains green, you'll know the little one didn't cooperate.

Here's my hang up. My last three children have been boys. This is the family I was raised in--two-girls, four boys. Kind of a nice little set up.

At this point, I have to be super honest. I'd LOVE to have a girl. Here's my reason. If it's a girl, I know I can feel that we're done and complete. I want to feel that way no matter what. I'm now, I feel, too old to have more kids. Having not felt that "we're all done" feeling yet (I tried to convince myself after T just for the reason of age alone, but quite honestly never felt it), I'm not sure what it's going to take to feel it. Maybe I'll just feel it no matter what, but I think if it ends up being a girl, I will feel done, done, done.

Please don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to have a boy too. I will welcome any child that comes our way. I'm also hoping that it's just healthy, but since I've had this girl's name for the last three children and can't think of a boy's name to save my life, it would be really nice to finally bequeath this name on someone.

So, please know that I will be happy no matter what. I'm just sharing my honest silliness (oooh that could be a really good subtitle to this whole blog).