Friday, December 24, 2010

Day 13- A Letter to Someone Who has Hurt Me Recently

Hmm.  This is a toughie.  I try very hard to deal with people soon if they hurt me.  Thankfully most of the people in my life are good people, who I believe, are trying to do good things and aren't "out to get me."  Most of the time, if someone hurts me, it's a misunderstanding and not intentional.  I try to remember this and forgive as quickly as I can.  If I find it hard to forgive, or it's nagging at me, I try to straighten things out face to face.

There have been a few of these with my current calling at church.  When I served in the Young Women as first counselor, I saw the president come under scrutiny from one or two people in the ward.  That was sad and hurtful and unnecessary, but the woman I served with, being the happy, upbeat person she was, seemed to just roll with it.  I never heard her say a thing about it.  I was proud to be able to call her my friend.  It wasn't until I was in this calling that I heard her say anything about it.  The truth was, she was hurt, but she handled it all so beautifully, you'd never have known it.  I want to learn to be like that.  I'm grateful for good examples like this in my life.  I have many of them.  What a blessing!

When unity is our goal, I would hope that everyone would give everyone else the benefit of the doubt that we are all trying our hardest to do our best and be good people.

I'm not really sure if I'm ready to air my "dirty laundry" about this "hurt."  I'm not even sure what I'd say.  I will tell you this much, I see the dirty looks and am aware when I walk in the room that there's not a whole lotta love coming from one person in my ward.  Thankfully, it's only one person.  It has been shared with me that this person has had conversations with others about what a lousy person I am, and that makes me sad, but in this situation, I'm not hurt for me, I'm hurt for those that were effected by this person's decision.  No, this isn't a letter, but like I said, I'm not sure how to form words around my feelings yet, and I've said all that I've needed to prior to this directly to this individual.

Other than those people this person has spoken with, who don't seem to have changed their opinions of me, I don't think anyone else is aware that anyone feels this way about me.

My instinct is to avoid this person, but here's what I plan on doing....I will continue to be kind.  I'm going to love my enemy and bless those that curse me.  I will do good to those that hate me and pray for those who spitefully use me, and persecute me.  (Matthew 5:44)  This is all I can do.  It is probably the hardest thing to do, but I'm finding that the hardest things are definitely the most rewarding things.


vaxhacker said...

Very well said. And I agree, that's really all you can do. Don't let them “live rent-free in your brain” by agonizing over what happened, or by harboring long-term resentment. If you can find a way to let go and go on with your life, give them time, maybe they'll be able to come to you and talk through what happened and come to peace over it. Or maybe not. But either way, it's not your issue, it's theirs. If there was something you did that was in error, and they approached you as adults and tried to reason together about it, then you could have a chance to succeed or fail with the attempt to resolve things. But if they resorted to the gossip mill, or silent rejection or whatever it was, the ball's not really in your court at this point.

I know nobody is perfect and you make mistakes in your calling just like I do and everyone else does, but I still have great confidence in you and where your heart is, and I know if I had a problem with your leadership, I'd go to you and talk it out. I might or might not like the answer you give, but I'd trust you to give an honest consideration to the matter and that whether you end up agreeing with me or not, that your decision would at least represent your good faith effort to do the right thing.

It's what I hope those who work with me would do if they had a problem with me. Some have, and I've tried to work things out. Some haven't, and have done similarly to what you describe and... yes, it hurts... and doesn't really give you much to work with to solve anything.

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