Monday, May 2, 2011

The Small Print

I wrote this morning's post because of a request from a friend. After I wrote it, I worried about it on and off during the day. I came to the point where I decided that I need to add a couple of disclaimers/notes about how I deal with my kids.

I guess most importantly, I don't want anyone to think that I know everything. I do a few things that feel right and good. I will share those here as they occur, but I also make millions of mistakes. I will share those here too. I'm not afraid to be real. For me, somehow it's easier to joke about my mistakes than it is write about my successes. I just have to allow myself to write about both.

So much of what I do is in response to how I was parented. Maybe someday I'll post about that in a bit more depth, so you can see why I do things that way I do.

I realize that if you don't know me or my style, you would really not get the gist of how this all works. So much of pulling this off is motive. I want to share that I don't do any of this out of meanness or in trying to manipulate my kids, and my kids are very aware of that. I, more than anything, honor my childrens' agency and know that part of their reason for being here on earth is to learn to make choices. I also believe in showing them respect. If I want it back from them, I must model it first.

In order to parent Love and Logic style, one of the main keys is, of course, love. None of this would ever work if my kids doubted my love for them. I try very hard to love and not dote. There's a huge difference. Doting does not show love. It's a control thing. I find that when I'm being controlling, I'm very stressed out. When I give up some of the control to them, I'm a much happier, easy-going mom.

My main purpose is to give my kids opportunities for growth. I believe strongly in allowing them choices. I believe in them making mistakes and learning from the experience of it all--good and bad. I'm very against spoiled kids; although, I would never assert that mine are not. I do, however, try to help them not be that way--teaching manners and how to deal with people appropriately on all levels.

My kids are very real. I am also very real. None of my kids are geniuses. None of my kids play the violin like a pro. They get good grades, but not unbelievable grades. They are good people. They are easy to like; at least I think so. They will be assets to society, or at least, I believe they will be. If we keep heading the way we are.

I hope that any little bit of my good or my bad experiences will help somebody else. I hope you either learn to do something better than I do, or learn not to do what I do. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I write. Thank you also for your encouraging comments. They mean a lot to me.


Janiece said...

Silly, silly girl...
You are beyond awesome!

I know that you are a great mom. and I have never met you...face to face...but I believe I have made a very good friend in you.

I loved this post because,I like you, have always been big on letting my kids KNOW I love them, and that I believe in them, and thus I give them the space to make choices. Some are good and some, well they have had to deal with the consequences.
Hold your head up!

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