Week 6: Proverbs 31:25-27 Do you tend to let your emotions control your attitude? Are there more kind words mixed with laughter coming from your lips, or are they harsh and demoralizing? Write a post about something you have said or done that you need to forgive yourself for. Is there someone you need to forgive or who has let you down? Write about it.
This is one of the main struggles of my life. I have a tendency toward sarcasm (like I have to even tell you that here). I was raised in a home where humor reigned supreme. We were continually trying to be the one with the quick comeback.
I have a terrible tendency to have my feet wet with my own saliva--foot in mouth disease. I try hard to to think before I speak, but I frequently kick myself when leaving the presence of others. I'm very careful about my humor now and try to be sensitive to those who just might not get it, but when I'm around others that do get it, life is good, and I let it all hang out. I love it when this happens.
My emotions take over when I'm stressed. When my mom was dying, I was at my worst. I was riding this terrible roller coaster of emotions, so you really had to watch out. I think that's kind of the nature of the beast that is cancer--one day good, the next day horrendous. Nineteen, ninety-eight was a very hard year.
During this time, a member of my family happened to get in the line of fire at the worst possible time. I was trying to do my best to keep the family involved and informed as to what was going on with my mom's care, but when other suggestions were offered as to how I could do better, I came a bit unglued.
I honestly don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for this, but I'm fairly certain she has forgiven me.
There are similar incidences with other family members, and I don't know how to overcome them. It's funny, when these things happen with other people outside of my family, I can get over them and communicate pretty easily, but when it's family, it's just harder. Why is this?
Along the lines of the last question, yes, there is someone I need to forgive, but this individual won't admit that he/she's done anything wrong. According to him/her, it's all me. I tried to communicate the best that I could about what I was disappointed about, but my words were twisted back at me and some very personal information was shared with another person who approached me and asked for verification. I quickly realized that I'd better leave this person alone. I know it will heal over time. For now, I have to be okay with the idea that I've done what I could to take care of my part of the situation.
2 comments:
Wow, Julie, I am so impressed with your honesty and loving heart. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you these last months. I have grown just from reading your Women of Noble Character challenge posts. Thank you so much for participating.
I know that I have not done justice to the beauty of your contributions here at Hesses Madhouse, but I tried. Here is the link to A Shining Blog: http://lynishiskid.blogspot.com/2011/05/shining-blog_15.html
Thank you for being you! That sounds funny, but I'm so thrilled that our paths have crossed. It is such an honor to "know" you. God bless you, Julie!
Last night I wrote a very long response (but I was so tired, I wasn't sure it came out right) and the internet ate my homework. It was seven paragraphs, gone. I rambled on and on about my own experiences with forgiveness and my FIL, and how I had to learn that forgiveness is about the way I feel and has nothing to do with the person who offended me. Maybe it's better it's gone?
Anyway, I love your introspection. In my own life I think it is a piece of cake for me to see what everyone else struggles with (Vote Alyson for Queen of the World!) but I cannot see myself so clearly, at all. I think you work very hard at seeing yourself clearly.
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