Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Tender Mercies All Around

Two posts ago, I wrote of a struggle I'm having.  Well, not really "I'm having," but I'm borrowing from one of my children.  I mentioned in that post that I knew there would be tender mercies offered to that child (do you know how hard it is not to say "him" or "her" while writing this?  Ugh!).  Well, that thought has come to pass.  Just a bit more proof that God is aware and loves my children as much as He loves all of us.

Yesterday, said child came home with a CD that was borrowed from a friend. On it, was this song along with a bunch of others from one of our favorite movies:

Last night, Z and I pulled this child aside again and had a talk (lecture--that's when it's a one-sided conversation), so yes, it was probably more of a lecture.  This is where the heart break lies.  This child has never been one to have a lecture because it's always been a two-way thing, so I have a hunch that there are things not being shared--things this child is not proud of and is afraid of the repercussions of what might happen if these things were made known.

I've gone for days with knots in my stomach--praying continually to know what to do.

Last night, during our lecture, there were things that came.  This isn't the first time this has happened as we've been dealing with this situation.  There have been many words placed in our mouths by a God who loves my child.  Phew!  Alone, I know I'd fail, so glad He's there for us.

One thing I asked last night was if this child felt like he/she was the same child he/she was even a few months ago.  The reply was "No," accompanied by an uncomfortable look on this child's face.  The face said that there was some amount of regret.  I suggested that there seemed to be some level of self-respect gone that might become hard to reclaim if things go on much longer.  I felt just what I needed to say next.  It was that this child has to learn to be strong...NOW.

The problem has been that this child, as we have urged, has been using Z and me as an excuse not to do things with friends.  We have always told our children that we will always be the bad guy if they need us to be.  This has been going on.  The only problem is that if this is used, then the friend says, "Oh, but you don't feel that way, so let's just skirt around your parents, and they'll never know."  I'm surmising here, but that's what I'm assuming has been happening.  It's as if the parents are pulling one way, the friends are pulling the other way, and the child is in the middle--a pawn being pushed and pulled.  This child, at this point, hasn't known what to do, so I urged this child to take a stand--to become "firm, steadfast, and immovable."  It's time to become your own voice.  "My parents said I couldn't do that, and I agree with them.  I don't want to do that."

I'm sharing this because I wonder how many kids find themselves in this same situation.

I think, when this child went to bed last night, there was a feeling of being empowered.  There was an understanding that this child was strong and could defend and take care of him/herself.  All the decisions of what to do in these kinds of situations have been made from his/her earliest days.  Now it's just a matter of using what is already known.

This morning, I could hear the above song playing over and over again.  It came from the struggling child's room.  Through the halls of my house, I could hear a tender mercy.  I could hear a child empowering him/herself and gearing up for the day ahead.  I knew that this song was singing to my child that my child's heart was strengthening.

I am left with one feeling He loves my children, and I need to trust Him.  I'm not nearly as worried today.


vaxhacker said...

My heart is SO going out for you guys. You are such good parents and have such great kids, I'm sure you'll all get through it but there are some tough lessons everyone learns the hard way. I hope The Child In Question (TCIQ?) manages to feel enough of the pain of the consequences of the choices made to change his/her life for the better, and learn something valuable, but not enough to discourage TCIQ from striving on.

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing. You and your family are an amazing example to the world. I am grateful to have you as a friend. (And what lucky children you have!)

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