The First of Many Posts for Today

I know that some of my blogging friends are very careful about what they share on their blogs for fear of readers getting the wrong impression of them. I, I'm sorry to say, am not cut from that mold. I'll tell you how it is. So, think what you want of me.

I figure from this angle, there are probably others out there who might suffer from the same kinds of problems that can benefit just as I benefit from those who so willingly share their lives on their blogs. This has been one of the distinct joys of blogging to me.

I'm trying very hard to turn over an old and very heavy leaf. I've had a couple wake up calls with my kids lately and feel that they are running my life. This is a hard place to be. With a baby on the way, I want to feel that all is in hand and that they are self-sufficient enough to be left on their own with their oldest sister in charge while Z and I are in the hospital for the day.

I love that my children are old enough that, this time, we can be totally self-sufficient. I trust my oldest children with my life. They can totally run the show without supervision--all except the driving aspect, but soon enough, that will be a reality too (I hope).

In the last few months, we have worked hard to make sure that housework is organized and assigned, and the kids are doing a great job. I haven't touched the dishwasher in weeks. The laundry and the garage are mine, but other than that, I have delegated all the jobs out. My four oldest children know how to do the laundry, it's just that I have some control issues there that need to be handled before I can hand that task over to anyone. Come summer, I'm hoping that will happen.

In the past, I would assign jobs as needed. No one was assigned a certain area; they just did what they were asked to do. Now, they each have a list of jobs that they get to do for a week. At family council on Sunday night, they rotate. There have been instances in which a good enough job hasn't been done, so that child's hung onto that job for an extra week. In one case, one child had such a hard time with the kitchen that it was hung onto for three weeks. By week three, all of our dishes looked new when they came out of the dishwasher. One child, even volunteered to do the kitchen for two weeks in a row because she did such a beautiful job that first week that I think she was enjoying the continual pats on the back she was receiving.

Regardless of all this, last night, I sat in a chair at the end of the hallway bawling my eyes out. I felt all day yesterday like I didn't want to be the mom any more. So, here we go with my honesty, as I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post. I have one child who is scared to go to bed. I have started the bad habit of sitting outside his bedroom door until he's asleep. This has been a HUGE waster of my time and something I won't be able to continue once a baby comes into my life. Part of the problem has been the older siblings telling him that the "bad guys are coming to get you," so he doesn't want to be alone. Can't say as I blame him for this, but it was one way that the older kids could get him to stay in his room.

While this was going on last night, I found that one of my other children had taken something he/she wasn't supposed to have and then bold-faced lied to me about having it. This is not the first time this has happened.

Do you ever get the feeling that some things are just never going to end; that this is a phase that will never be grown out of? I know that's not true, but with this particular kid, that same wall has to be hit over and over again. It's just very frustrating.

I'm not sharing all of this to tell you I have terrible children. I don't. I just have very normal children. We all make mistakes. But, I'm also sharing this to tell you what I've learned from this.

After getting into bed, I turned to Mr. Jim Fay. He and his partner, Foster Cline wrote "Parenting for Love and Logic." I LOVE their parenting philosophy and would like to be better at living in accordance with their ideas, but I find that every so often I need a wake up call. Last night was that for me.

I went to their website and found these great things--for one child's bedtime problems and for the other child, I found this, which fits perfectly our situation. Instead of letting this child work through the issues, we were just lecturing. That was getting us nowhere. We were carrying too much of the problem.

The other thing I realized was that too much of my precious one-on-one time with my kids was being sucked up by facebook. Not facebook itself, but sudoku. I could play that all day if given the opportunity. I love that facebook has bound me to so many people I have been out of touch with. I love the whole being in touch from day to day thing, but that darned game is what I would sit and play while sitting in the hallway waiting for T to go to sleep. Why couldn't I be sitting there studying? Too many interruptions to study by, but perfect for pausing a game. Then, when my kids got home, I was so wrapped up in the papers I was writing that I had no time for them like I used to. So, last night at 11pm, I deactivated my facebook account. So, if you're looking for me there, I'm gone. Find me here.

I'm hoping to get back on the same track I used to be on. I'm hoping to find time to reach out using this blog, but I'm also hoping to regain the time I used to connect with my kids daily.