Friday, June 12, 2009

Beware...Grumpy Pregnant Woman on Board

Wow, am I grumpy this morning, but you'd never know it. I have done so well containing all the lectures I wanted to dish out on my kids this morning. You know, the one for losing school books and having to pay fines, the one for being over spent on the school lunch account, the one for not fighting, etc., etc., etc. Do you think they'll ever figure it out?

In the meantime, I'm internalizing it all, until I hear the two-year-old, in the back seat say, "Mom...I...love...you," as he's trying to show me on his hand--the choice is the thumb out or the ring finger down but not both at the same time.

He tells me he can't reach his hat, which has rolled all the way across the seat next to him. I tell him, "Life will go on." He replies with, "For who? For me?" As all this is going on, I'm brought back to the right place.

He still loves me; even if I've failed to make sure my kids had all their books returned to the school library. He still loves me; even when I've failed to teach each and every one of my kids about not overdrawing their lunch accounts. And the list goes on. Why do I internalize all of this and make everything my failure when really it's theirs and their chance to learn from life's lessons?

So, this morning was the first time in my life as a mom that I've started to dread them being home every day for the next three months. I'm ashamed of myself for even letting myself think that I'd rather have them elsewhere. Of course I want them here with me.

Life WILL go on, and it will be great. If we can just get through today.

5 comments:

Shauna said...

(((HUGS)))

imbeingheldhostage said...

If you didn't have moments like this occasionally, you would be a Barbie doll. I find the first week a challenge, but then I ease up and go with the flow again-- you will get through this!! *hugs*

Alyson said...

{{huggy hug hug}}

Alesha said...

Here is the thing, Yes life will go on, but someday in life the kids will not be there all the time. So even though it is so hard for me to do, I try to remind myself that life will go on and so will my children so I need to love as many moments as I can with them. Good Luck!

Rory Baxter said...

know that you are thought about and loved tons - and that you are not alone - I have had similar thoughts all this week. Why is it we seem to strive every day to teach them what is right and to be personally responsible - but when those things dont happen we blame ourselves? I have battled with this also this week, and wish I had a better answer - other than - one day they WILL get it, they WILL be responsible, it WILL click, someday. For now, I also try to get through today and look for the little things that are the silver lining of having everyone home and that our time together will be good. Know you can call or email anytime -k- Would love to help you through some of those days if you want us to come up. LMK

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