...If the woman who did my echocardiogram yesterday, knew it was rude to say, "You know there's a way to prevent that," when I responded, "Seven," to her inquiry about how many children I have.
I spent the rest of the time trying to figure out if she was just lacking in judgment or in social skills. She seemed very normal to me, but it didn't get us off on a very good foot. I don't think she had a clue how that colored my view of her from that moment on. I continued to be nice and polite to her, but in my head I was thinking, "What a judgmental, shallow jerk!"
There's that Christ-like stuff I'm still working on. Oh, I have such a long way to go. I only have two cheeks; how many times do I have to turn them?
Do I just live in a rude part of the world, or what?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I Wonder....
Posted by Hesses Madhouse at 10:58 AM
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17 comments:
The most common comment I got before #7 was old enough to make it seem reasonable to assume we were done:
"Don't you know how to stop that?"
(But I have to say, honestly, by #5, #6, and #7 I didn't. 6 and 7, particularly, were big surprises, hee hee. But that's just an aside, it has nothing to do with my point, which is:)
That is super, super rude. I would have said something, I think.
He loss for not asking their names and how old they are and learning a little bit about your cute kids! She missed out!
I once had a lady ordering a drink behind me at a Starbucks in Target tell me that -- my jaw was on the ground -- as well as the poor baristas. I just smiled, told her that I love my busy life, told her that all my kids are blessings, and grabbed my grande vanilla latte.
Sigh.
It's the same whether you have seven kids... or ZERO kids (like me). People always think that they know what is best for you and your life... even if they don't know you.
One of my favorite advice columnists, Ask Amy, gave this bit of counsel the other to day to someone who asked what to say in these kinds of situations. I loved it.
"After you've circumnavigated your entire social orbit, patiently explaining yourself and being dismissed in return, you should resort to the gentle and polite rebuke: "Well, you've made your feelings pretty clear, but I don't really have anything else to say about this."
It just occurred to me that I really have two "sets" of cheeks. I should have exposed the not-frequently-exposed set, but in a medical situation, I'm afraid the impact would have been decreased. DARN!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Julie, you make me smile all over! (For that last comment, I mean.) As for the snide remark, I just participated in a FB thread last night wherein people were spouting anti-more-than-two-kids propaganda. It's so tiresome and so uninformed.
As for an answer to "Do you know how to stop it?"
I might be tempted to quip, "Yes. Selfishness."
yes, you do live in oregon.
that was totally rude...
on a brighter point...how cool was it to see your heart!!!
When we found ourselves pregnant with our first sooner than we planned, a dear, LDS, med-school-bound friend told us smugly, "You know, they know what causes babies now." *big wink*
I was seething and could NOT find the words to tell him what I felt. So wish I had read this before that conversation so many years ago.
I also have seven kids. But after one died the most rude thing someone said to me was, "Well, at least you have six more." So unfeeling and uninformed. But I have learned that people say many things that they don't think through. And you are right. It is our job to forgive and try to forget (although I am obviously working on that last part!) I hope I have not said some unfeeling thing to someone....but I am sure I have without even knowing. So maybe it would have been appropriate to at least point out that such a comment is hurtful. I think you are marvelous! And I know it isn't easy to have a big family. But it is soooooo worth it:) Melody
The correct answer is:
Too bad your Mom didn't know how to prevent it!
HAHAHA.....
Let's just face it, the topic of family size is just personal. It's not appropriate to comment. You don't know what it's like in someone else's shoes, so to quote my mother, what my children refer to as "Mom 1:1," "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Cindy that is so funny! After the gas station attendant shared the joys of vasectomy with me so many years ago, and I drove off, I wanted to say something right along those lines. Beautiful!
I liked the Ask Amy suggestion. Alternatively, you could use John Tower's comment after being scolded by some Congressional nitwit back in the eighties:
"Well, that's one man's (woman's) opinion, and I don't share it."
I have found that I tend to focus on those negative and rude comments but in reality, they are the minority. Many people have been kind and even enthusiastic when they hear that I have 7 kids. One woman nearly brought tears to my eyes when she responded with "Wow! That is so AWESOME! I wish I had seven kids." I have tried to remember those moments instead of the rude ones. It makes such a difference. Rudeness really has no place in our lives so why give it one?
Ahhhh, that is so rude! I'm sure it was her PMS week and she didn't realize how insensitive she sounded. Your good to be nice and smile and only think bad thoughts. That's maybe better than I would have done. You're awesome Julie!
Okay, that's kinda funny. Not the comment but that people say all kinds of wierd stuff. I always get the ones that speak out of turn and make me roll my eyes. I just chalk it up to people giving me something to blog about - haha.
I recently had a woman swear at me and tell me how sorry she was for me. I laughed at her. I didn't mean to. But it surprised me and I love my life with all of my kids. Sometimes it is hard to be Christ like. I need to smile more and laugh less like you.
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