Friday, June 10, 2011

Falling Short: A Little More on Urgh!!!

I need to add a few details to why I was feeling the way I was last night (see previous post).

When we told the coach, those weeks ago, that our son wouldn't be playing on Sundays, we fully explained that it was because we were L.D.S., and Sunday is our Sabbath.  The coach told us that he'd had others who had had similar religious views--L.D.S. kids, Jewish kids, etc.--play on his teams in the past, who had declined playing on certain days (Saturdays and Sundays), so it was no big deal. 

I guess I wondered why he even brought up the fact that our son was playing on the B team when he spoke to the Warden a couple weeks ago.  Who really cares?  I totally wouldn't have.  It wouldn't have bothered me.

Here's the real scoop.

Maybe I'm being too candid and exposing too much of my inner feelings here, but after last night, it started to bother me.

When I went up to talk to the coach after practice, there was another mom, the team mom, standing there.  She handed me the schedule for the season, as she did so, the coach said, "Xxx won't be playing on Sunday, he has to go talk to God, or something like that."  He also told me that soccer wasn't work.  The lecture he gave had much more to it, but these are the general points.  In front of the other mom, the coach was very sarcastic and gave me a bit of a lecture on when we should be holding our Sabbath.  It was uncomfortable, but I stood silent and took it. 

My hopes that our being up-front and honest from the beginning and just being allowed to go our own way and do what we need to do are not coming to pass.  I guess after last night's conversation, it became clear to me why the coach told my husband about the B team.  I no longer believe it was an innocent comment about our son's placement.  It was a slap in the face.

I want to make it clear that I don't care if my son is on the A, B or Z team.  Whatever.  Really.  It's the fact that this coach is trying to get his teeth into us.

If he said that was fine, and he still wanted our son on his team, then he needs to let it go.  I know I can't get him to do that.  I need to just smile and wave....smile and wave (but do I have to do it with all of my fingers?).  I guess as one who attempts to follow Jesus Christ, yes, I do--ALL of them.  So, maybe because I'm feeling a bit bitter shows where I stand as a follower of Christ--I have a long way to go, but I'm trying.  Do those who truly follow Christ feel this way, or do they just roll with whatever--no bitter feelings involved.  Someday, I'd like to get there.  For now, I fall short.

So, I'm sure this isn't the end of this.  I'm sure there will be more comments.  B team, A team, X, Y, or Z team, our son will continue to play.  We will continue to smile, and we will stand firm in our need to live the Sabbath.  The blessings for doing so are too great to deny.  I need to fear God more than any old sarcastic soccer coach.

Smile and wave....smile and wave....

11 comments:

Alyson said...

I would tell him, privately, "Either you quit telling us what to believe and how to live our religion and let our son play soccer in peace, or we are out of here. We told you what the conditions would be and you agreed. You did not tell us your condition—that you would take every opportunity to dig into us. We're not down with that, so stop it or we're out."

Because he's bullying. He's manipulating. He's behaving badly. And even adults need correction from other adults. You won't improve him forever or for other families with values, but you can improve him for you. Draw a line that he can't cross without consequences. Being a grown up doesn't exempt him from consequences.

*hugs* It would bug me too, sweetie. It would bug me, too.

vaxhacker said...

What Alyson said. The extra information made a lot of difference in understanding what's happening. Coaches are understandably focused on the game being A Big Deal, but there's no call for belittling your family.

Julia Shinkle said...

Ditto Alyson!!! I don't understand someone who would chase you down to ask your son to play on a team and then make rude comments like that after you agree to be involved!!! Now I'm mad! That is so stupid. And Julie I don't think being Christ like is acting like a door mat...I have pondered this soooo many times in my life. There are ways to delicately get your point across and do it in a Christ like manner...Kill him with kindness and focus on the positive. Something like, "I am thrilled that you have noticed a talent in my son and we are excited about the opportunity to play this summer. Thanks for being flexible with our Sunday schedule. I'm sure as a coach you would like feedback about how to make your season more success. I would like to share that when you made that "because he needs to talk to God" comment I was a bit confused, and I would like to make sure that we understand each other. Didn't we agree a few weeks ago that it was going to be fine that we not participate on Sundays. Based on your comment perhaps it is not. In order for our family to get through the season I need to know that our agreement is ok and that we will be FREE from the sarcasm." Good luck...

Jo Tapasa said...

Ditto to Alyson and Julia. Your style of wave comment makes me laugh and even love you more! We have gone through similar since returning to the valley. Sigh... Good thing ourgirls don't care about their coaches' push for Sunday play. It isn't a question for them...so why do the coaches make it a persistant nagging issue. Carry on, Sister!

lia said...

Dittos.

And just remember how many young men did not make the worldly coaches A teams because they were LDS--who later ended up making the Lord's "A Team" as Apostles. Y'all are in good company.

LOVE YOU!!

Janiece said...

WOW wht great comments...I totally agree.
and you can keep waving...you are amazing!

Diane said...

This makes me think of Elder Nelson's talk this last conference. He said, "Why do we need such resilient faith? Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be a faithful Latter-day Saint. Each of us will be tested. The Apostle Paul warned that in the latter days, those who diligently follow the Lord “shall suffer persecution.” That very persecution can either crush you into silent weakness or motivate you to be more exemplary and courageous in your daily lives."

I have some family members who have been discriminated in the work place. It sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. Following Christ is hard. Loving those that hate you sometimes feels impossible. But like you said, it is all worth being a disciple of Christ. I think you are an amazing woman. I would have a hard time with this myself.

vaxhacker said...

All five fingers, Jules. All five. :)

Corinne Ritz said...

I think the Savior is OK with us defending ourselves, and calling others out within reason. I think you are within reason. This coach is a jerk! This post made my blood boil. You let him know ahead of time what the deal was! Talk to him and let us know how it goes!

Corinne Ritz said...

What a jerk! Talk to him and do a great post on how it goes! I would love to read about it. My blood is boiling right now after reading this post, so do it for me:)

Jef said...

Julie,

I think you did the right thing. There is nothing better in your example than you being able to turn the other cheek. There aren't moneylenders in the temple in this case. There is simply one sadducee attacking a disciple of Christ. You'll make more waves doing exactly what you did, and being a good example of what a true believer is.
You'll want to open a dialogue with the coach, but not until he is done being offended by your refusal to allow your son to play on Sunday, and you're no longer concerned with anything he thinks or says. Then the Spirit can enter into the conversation and you'll be able to bear careful testimony to the blessings you've received by not participating in non-sabbath day activities on Sunday.

Keep up the great example Julie, it helps me stand strong.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...