Monday, April 18, 2011

My Feelings on "Outsiders"

I have two brothers that are adopted.  Anyone who might have been our friends when we were kids probably didn't know this fact.  Actually, I didn't know this until I was about 18.  It was something we didn't talk about.  I actually ended up finding out about it when I was home from college and was helping my mom clean out a drawer.  I ran across a journal and flipped through it.  Something caught my eye about a court case as I flipped through the book, and there was the story.

My brothers knew.  My parents had told them when they were young.  My sister knew because she was there, but the three of us younger kids hadn't a clue.

We were all treated the same.  We were all loved the same.

My dad's feelings were that since both brothers were sealed to our family in the temple, they were ours.  They were no different from the four kids my mother bore.  There was no reason and no benefit to be had by treating anyone differently.  He's a wise man.

As our family expanded and my siblings got married, the same attitude was taken.  My parents called them all their "sons" and "daughters."  There were no outsiders.  They were all treated as the rest of us.  There was never an unkind word spoken about any of us to the others.  When my parents spoke of my brother-in-law or sisters-in-law, it was always with the highest regard, at least as far as I experienced.  My parents were so good at emphasizing how good each in-law was for each sibling and what a miracle it was that each of us had found just the right spouse for ourselves.  There were hugs and kisses for each as we arrived and again as we left the house.

As I look back now, I love that my parents were so accepting and loving.  There is definitely something to be learned here.

4 comments:

Amy said...

That is a wonderful example. It is good to know that such acceptance is possible. I have not had much of this experience. I hope that my husband and I can be more accepting than the past generations of both our families.

Mostly Diane said...

Wow that is amazing! I want to be like that. I want my home to have the absence of criticism. Thanks for the thoughts.

Corinne and Jason Ritz said...

That is so awesome. Your parents sound wonderful. No wonder that you are WONDERFUL!

About your comment on B.H's blog - I love the shoe idea! You should totally do that! My bishop's wife, who is 32 and has 4 sons and 1 daughter, took the coolest picture for her blog. It is her 4 sons black church shoes lined up on the bottom step, ready for church the next morning. It brings tears to my eyes every time I see it. Their little feet will never be that size again.

A picture of you kids shoes lined up is a such a cool way to mark this time, and what their activities are, and how little, or how grown up they are etc.

So that's my 2 cents. I've been planning to do this same picture.

Oh, and I would love to see a Zan list.

merrianne said...

that is wonderful!
my sister and her husband adopted their son... and he is just part of the family. there is NO "adopted" label on him.. of course, he will always know that he was adopted because they have chosen to tell him that and i think it will make him feel even more special because he wasn't just BORN to them.. they went out and BOUGHT HIM!!!! :)

my daughter was born before spencer and i met and she has since been adopted by spencer.. but even before her last name was the same as ours, she was never treated any differently.
family is family ;)
and i am happy to know that there are still lots of families out there that still feel the same way that you and i do about it ;)

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