Day 20 - Someone I See Myself Marrying or Being with in the Future.

Robert Sean Leonard?


HAHAHA!!!  Just kidding!

Well, as you are well aware, there is a man in my life.  I'm hoping he's here to stay for a very loooong time--like eternity.  So, instead of listing someone who I see myself marrying, I will tell you what brought me to marry the Warden.

I was raised by what I felt were ideal parents.  Now that I look back, I'm sure my parents had their rough spots, but I came along after they'd been married for more than twenty years, so all I ever saw was joy and bliss.  I remember one slight contention over the balancing of the checkbook once, but other than that, I don't recall unhappiness between them.  This effected my desire to get married.  I was afraid that I'd never have a relationship like my parents did, so what was the use?  I was fearful that I would never find someone like my parents had found in each other.  So, I decided that marriage wasn't going to happen for me.  Funny how that changed when I met the Warden.

Funny, I was driving in the car with Inmate #3 the other day, and was commenting on my parents' seemingly perfect relationship, and she said, "That's how I think about you and dad."  Woah!  That was a surprise.

It is true.  The Warden and I don't fight very often.  I'm the more "spicy" of the two of us, so if there were to be any fighting, I'm sure I'd be the one to bring it on.  With my parents, my mom was the peacemaker.  I take after my dad.

I really can't describe the feelings I had for the Warden when I first met him.  It wasn't like head-over-heels kind of love.  It was very matter-of-fact love.  I just knew I was so comfortable around him.  There was no need to pretend I was something I wasn't because I instinctually knew from the very moment I met him that I could just be me, and it would all be okay.  I think I could have probably have had a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe, and we would have laughed about it and moved on as if it was just some hilarious thing I did on purpose to be funny.

The bottom line is that the Warden is a very patient man.  He goes with the flow and overlooks my weaknesses.  He makes me laugh.  He's a good person and is very talented in so many ways.  I feel very lucky and blessed to get to be the one to have him as mine.

The reason Inmate #3 and I were talking about this the other day, was that someone had warned me about my daughters thinking that all marriages were perfect and that when you get married, it's love at first sight and there should be no problems.  I want to make sure my kids know this isn't the case, so I  was having a very real talk with her about how things really are between the Warden and me.

There are times when I get mad at him, and I get frustrated.  There are times when I wonder what I've done.  There are times when I think, how am I going to survive to the end of the week, not to mention to eternity.

But, nearly nineteen years ago, I committed that I chose him for eternity.  I chose to put up with and be put up with.  I chose to give myself completely to him.  So, those are the things that are my reality.

I am learning that so much of what I get mad and frustrated about are a matter of perspective.  I know this man wants to make me happy.  I might even say that it's part of what he lives for.  Likewise, my focus should be on how I can make him happy.  There is no doubt that he gets equally as frustrated and angry with me--if not more so.  Neither of us are perfect, but we're working at being better everyday.  I feel lucky to have a man who is all that he is.

Yes, I continue to choose to want to be with the Warden in the future.  If I had to choose again, I'd choose him.  No question.