Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Woman of Noble Character ~ Week 4

 I just took a glance back at the archives and found that in 2009 I wrote 179 blog posts in the entire year.  This is my 179th so far this year.  YAY!!!

Week 4:  Proverbs 31:19-21  Do you extend a helping hand to the poor and needy?  Is your family prepared for the possibility of a need?  Write a post about how you are helping the unfortunate, and how you are setting aside for a day when your family may be in need.

19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the adistaff.
20She stretcheth out her hand to the apoor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

I am happiest when I'm serving.  I know from whom my blessings come, and I know that nothing I have belongs to me, so I have no right to be covetous of it.  I think when it comes to serving others, I follow what my heart tells me.  I trust those feelings and do what I can.  There are just times in life when you have to say no.

The timing of this questions is amazing.  There is a woman I've known for awhile now who has great need of help.  I have assisted her with many things in the past year or so--her kids, her house, etc.  It got to a point where she was no longer willing to do for herself.  It seemed that she just wanted everyone to do for her and there was very little gratitude, just complaint whenever anyone did anything for her.
She told me and everyone in the church community who cared for her that she didn't want to have any contact with us any more.  She burned most likely the largest bridge she had going for her.  I'm not sure how she's survived the past few months.

Although, she said she wanted no contact, she has continued to contact me at least once a week since that time via facebook (she dropped me as a friend, and I am blocked from her profile, but she can still see mine).  I have tried to remain neutral and kind.  I have kind of waited for her to ask for help but all she does is hint at it when she calls.  I'm not sure how to handle this.  I want to help her.  I know that if I were in her shoes, I'd want help, but I guess I would also hope that I might be a bit more kind in return for the help I received.

She wrote to me last night asking me to help her with her children.  I love her children.  I would happily do this for them, but the fear is that once I do this, she will start taking me and my help for granted again.  I'm not saying that I need appreciation or anything for what I do.  It's just that I don't want to enable her.  The fear is that she will start calling multiple times a week and nothing will ever be enough.

It almost felt like she was unhappy if I wasn't sitting around my house waiting for her next phone call.  If I was off doing something or had somewhere I had to be and couldn't be there to help her, she would act very put out and take it very personally.  This was just plain unhealthy for all involved.

I guess the toughest thing is knowing when to draw the line.  I know that there are blessings that come from serving others, but I also know that my first loyalty and service lies with my own family.  I have to look out for my own first.  I just know that if my own children acted like that, I would allow them some tough love learning opportunities.

I have basically asked her to go through the regular channels of the church, but she has stated that they don't care about her any more.  Huh?  She said she didn't want contact with them any more.  What she doesn't understand is that all she has to do is apologize and they'd find the best ways to assist her.

All I have to say about helping my family in a time of need is...we're LDS.  We have food storage and 72 hour kits.  We have a plan for such incidences.  I have to confess I need to work harder to have a year's supply of food and a larger supply of water.  These things overwhelm me a bit.  A year's supply for nine people is no walk in the park.  I would love to have a better system for this, but I think in order to do so you have to have a really organized personality.  I tend to be a bit too random, but I'm working on it.


Unknown said...

After some prayer and rereading your post I think you answered your own question. "I just know that if my own children acted like that, I would allow them some tough love learning opportunities."

I know for a fact the LDS church and its members would never dismiss someone in need. They were there for me and I was not a member. Jesus said to turn the other cheek, and the LDS practice that faithfully.

I would pray with your family and/or a special sister who knows this woman about what you should do if you are still unsure.

Don't allow her to use her children to pull at your heart strings. Love is always available for those who are searching. Sometimes God lets suffering happen to strengthen our faith and bring us back to Him. It is a valuable lessen we should not interfere with.

I hope this helps. It is a difficult situation because we have hearts that want to give and give. It is easy to put ourselves in their shoes, and understand how hard the struggle is.

God is so good! When we seek Him first the blessings come. Maybe that is another lessen she needs to learn. Our Father knows our needs. He is faithful, just, and true and will provide all her needs. If you are meant to be His vessel He will show you.

God bless you, Julie! You are a noble woman of God. If you do nothing else pray for her. Ask God for His will to be done. Sometimes that is all that is required of us.

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