Monday, October 20, 2008

You Know You're a Mormon If...

Will you help me out here? I want a list of what makes us peculiar based on the words of prophets past and present--food storage, scripture reading, etc.

8 comments:

vaxhacker said...

On the serious side, we're the only religion I'm aware of to include the idea in scriptural canon that the US Constitution is divinely inspired and that our nation was founded by inspired men.

Proxy ordinances are of course peculiar to us. Catholicism has some color of similar ideas, but nothing quite the same or as explicit.

The Word of Wisdom includes many things other religions proscribe too, from sparing use of meat to even abstinence from alcohol, but I don't know any others which would include coffee and tea in there. Come to think of it, does anyone else prohibit tobacco?

On the humorous side of Mormon culture... oh, gosh, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. You're Mormon if...

... you're always the designated driver at social events on work business trips (happens to me all the time).

... you work in the high-tech industry (where the dress code is jeans and t-shirt) and still own a suit which you wear every week.

... [insert random green Jell-O® joke here]...

... you make lots of presentations at work and live in perpetual fear that one of these days you're going to close your talk in "the name of Jesus Chist, amen"

... you give your kids names like Ammon or (for a boy) Alma.

Janelle said...

You have a preference to paper or plastic in tiny cups.

Thanks for stopping by my blog, I'll check back with Jeanette at The Hen House to see who posts.

Darilyn said...

...you're not afraid of the term, "baptism for the dead."

Patrick and Paige said...

You Know You Are Mormon If...

You have a bumper sticker that says "Families are Forever"

When you shop on Sunday, you post date your check.

You were an aunt or uncle before the age of three.

Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.

Your family considers a trip to McDonalds a night out.

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night football. (family home eveners, this is for you)

You drink caffinated coke from a brown paper bag.

At least two of your salad bowls are at the home of neighbors.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You negotiate prices at garage sales.

You think women should stop having kids at 34 because 35 is just too many.

You can make jello salad without a recipe.

You heard about BYU football in testimony meeting.

You have two gallons of ice cream in the freezer at all times.

You say "Provo", "Salt Lake", or "Palmyra" without the state and automatically assume that the whole world knows where those places are.

There is a son on a mission and mom is pregnant with another.

You know what a "fireside" is.

8 kids in a family is "average."

You think "heck" is the place for people who do not believe in "gosh."

You know how to pronounce and spell Mahonri Moriancumer.

Mormon movies are amazing and Kirby Heyborne is your hero.

You drive into the church parking lot and at least half the lot is filled with 12 passenger vans.

You "Bless this food to nourish and strengthen" your body before eating doughnuts.

Going 24 hours without eating is no longer a challenging thing.

A "Caffeine High" is eating a king size chocolate bar

You have more than one aunt/uncle that is younger than you.

The "EFY Medley" is your favorite song

"I can't...I'm Mormon" has been an excuse on more than one occasion

Piano was your first instrument

Your mom is pregnant at the same time you are

You have 3 or more BYU sweatshirts/shirts

Being a "rebel" is drinking Mountain Dew more than twice in one week

There are more women pregnant in your ward than not

You consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!

You've ever had your alarm set for 4:45 am

Your first date was when you were 16 to a Church Dance and your parent was a chaperone.

All your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape

You think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups

You have never arrived at a meeting on time

You have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries

You've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"

You think it's all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing

You have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining

You automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers

You go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi

You arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there

You knew how to iron your own white shirts/dresses before you were ten

The best present on your eighth birthday is a set of scriptures with your name EMBOSSED on the front cover

You are the only person in your high school's theatre department who knows how to tie a necktie . . . and have to do so for every guy wearing one on stage . . . and you're a girl

An evening's hi-jinks involve "heart attacks" or "forking"

You go to college and only know how to cook dishes in amounts of seven portions or more

You know exactly what Beehives, Mia Maids, and Laurels are, and have to explain what those are to your friends

Your family owns a wheat grinder, bread machine, and vacuum packer

You think the only sensible way to buy groceries is in bulk

You know how to make brownies/cookies/frosting/muffins/pancakes/waffles from scratch

Your family's satellite subscription package includes BYU Radio and BYU-TV

You have never had your own room and will never have your own room

You think that sharing your dorm room with only ONE roommate is a luxurious arrangement

You carry a military size Book of Mormon in your purse so that you have something to read if you get stuck waiting somewhere

Just to name a few. HE HE

Anonymous said...

wow! there are some really funny ones on here!!!!!

Josh Alder said...

Here's a few I thought while pondering the topic...

You know You're a Mormon if...

- You're a woman whose wardrobe consists mainly of capri pants and blouses on top of t-shirts.

- You're a man who:

1) Wears short-sleeved white shirts

OR

2) Rolls up the sleeves of your long-sleeved white shirts to the elbow.

- You know at least 5 guys from church who are currently in dentistry/optometry/medical/law school.

- You know at least a few women of your faith who have attended/completed beauty school and/or a nursing program.

- You know someone who consciously chose a church school over an Ivy League university. If you attended a church school, you may even think they made the right choice, despite others insistence that they are clinically insane.

- For teens, asking someone out on a date usually requires much more creativity (and supplies) than simply *asking* the person.

- You put yourself through school by selling satellite dishes/bug repellent/books/etc. door-to-door during college summer breaks.

- You (or someone you know) owns a pair of Doc Martens that has all the yellow stitching colored black with a permanent marker.

- You dedicate an entire wall in your house as a shrine to your son or daughter's mission (complete with flags, pictures, calendars, maps, etc.). This can also include constantly updating a scrapbook and/or a blog for said missionary.

- You have ever started making Sunday dinner on Saturday morning.

- You have gone on a pity date because your parents bribed you.

- You think people who date longer than 6 months without getting engaged are wasting their time.

- You think people who are engaged longer than 3 months are crazy.

- You see married couples with no kids who have:

(1) been married for more than a year.

OR

(2) are over age 22 ....

and wonder if they're having fertility problems.

- You went to BYU and can't shut up about how The Marriott Center is "totally, almost completely underground!" or that the bell tower is so awesome and holy "because it plays the hymns of Zion!" (OK, OK... this one's just a personal one from my day's at the MTC... I heard stuff like that so often, I wanted to scream.)

I'll probably think of more... this is fun! Mormons are cool... but they do some weird things!

vaxhacker said...

So just for clarity, Julie, were you looking for serious doctrinal peculiarities (meant, of course, in the sense of "distinctive" not "weird"), or humorous weirdness of our culture?

Angie said...

I'm not Mormon, but these comments were a fun read. I laughed out loud many, many times because I have a bunch of Mormon friends.

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