Friday, February 18, 2011

Makes Total Sense

Woke up bluer than blue today.  Maybe even more down than I've ever been.  I think genetically I have a propensity toward this.  Not depression, per se, but just the occasional emotional "recession" let's say.  It's usually short-lived, thankfully.

My feelings surprised me so much (I really don't have a reason to be down) that I spoke with the Warden about it.  Poor guy.  He doesn't know what to do when I feel like this, and he told me as much this morning.

As I finally got myself dressed, I just felt like I could fall into a heap and cry for absolutely no reason.  Maybe I'm just over-hydrated and need to release some extra fluid.

Today is my volunteer day at the school.  Part of me really felt like canceling, but I went anyway and am really glad I did.

I dropped #7 off at my dear friend's house.  As I left I mentioned to her what a hard time I was having this morning.  She, who has known me better than pretty much anybody for about the last seven or so years, said, "It is that time of year, isn't it?"

Sure enough.  Every year between the beginning of February and mid-March, I go through this funk.

This is the time of year when my mom was dying.  Ah.  That explains it a little bit.  Doesn't make it right, but at least it makes sense.


Julia Shinkle said...

Nothing like a great friend to gently point out what we don't see and nothing like helping in a classroom to lift spirits...I went into Rowdy's class room the other day and one of his classmates ran and gave me a huge about ego boost!
Hang in there! Do something to celebrate her today! Tell a story about her to one of your kids or a memory! It always helps me when I am missing my Dad!

Alyson said...

Aw, sweetie, I think it's a well-deserved recession then! Mothers are so important to their children. Just as you are to yours!

Unknown said...

What you're describing really is depression. I'm not saying that because I think you necessarily should run to a therapist and get a prescription though! I recognize it all too well- it comes to visit me every so often, then leaves for a while... like an annoying house guest though, it always seems to return. I've tried meds over the years, but for me, what seems to help is just being self-aware and seeing the signs of it's impending visit. For me, there are certain things that can snap me out of it, like getting up really early, or exercise.. it just depends. But only if I catch it early enough to be proactive.. the key is to not let it settle in too much.. kick it out before it makes itsself at home. Anyway- you are very much not alone.. hope your burden lifts quickly!

Darilyn said...

Sure, it could be the fact that this is the period of time that your mother passed. Or, it could be that we have seen very little sun for almost four months. Go tanning. That's what I do. I'm serious.

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