Friday, July 29, 2011

Holding On

There are a number of things that have become much clearer to me through the experiences of the past two weeks.  One thing I am learning goes along the lines of this quote:

“Faith in Christ is tied to, and results in, hope in Christ for our redemption and exaltation. And assurance and hope make it possible for us to [act and] walk to the edge of the light and take a few steps into the darkness—expecting and trusting the light to move and illuminate the way. The combination of assurance and hope initiates action in the present.”  --David A. Bednar

I have to admit, when I first heard this idea of walking into the darkness, I had no idea what it really meant.  My life, I know, has had these kinds of experiences, but not so in-your-face as this has been.  I know there have also been many, many of these opportunities to build my faith that I have avoided and even run from.  This one, I couldn't run from.  The first step led to the next.  It all felt very natural, but it was very apparent that this was no regular walk I was taking.

I guess what I really know now is that our Heavenly Father is in the driver's seat.  I learned this when I was pregnant with #7, but it is now even clearer.  Line upon line, right?

The other thing I have learned is, once you've commenced in the path, NEVER look back.

I had a look back experience last week.  Immediately Lot's wife popped into my head.  I looked at all the bad things that could happen.  I surrendered to the despair of doing this thing that at one point had seemed so impossible.  I sank into the impossibility of it all.  I knew what it felt like to spiritually turn to salt.  My insides felt like they had crumbled.

Thankfully, within a few minutes, I was brought back to the reality that there were far too many impossibles that had become possible to sink now.  This was happening, and it was all from taking those steps into the darkness.  But, I can also tell you that I'm afraid of the dark--at least this kind of dark.  So, I know I haven't walked this alone.  My  hand has been held the entire way.  I do not doubt that He is there.  The only thing I fear is my own ability to hold on.  I cannot afford to let go, but I fear that I will.





So, as we depart, please pray for us.  Pray that we will continue to hold on; that we will continue to follow where He leads.  I know He's led us this far for some important reasons--reasons that only He knows.  We NEED to find those, and I know the only way we will is if we keep following.

5 comments:

meganconser said...

Prayers are with you... Angels are with you. You are going to have an experience of a lifetime! GOOD LUCK!

Alyson said...

Praying for you, and for everyone over there who was and still is affected. May God bless you all. Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!

Lena Baron said...

So Excited for you! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

vaxhacker said...

What Megan and Alyson said.

This was all very well expressed, and I admire your courage and faith in facing the dark road you feel prompted to walk down. May you find and hold on to that Light which will sustain you and bring you* back home safe again, which, as did Eärendil's starlight, "will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."

(Because you know I can't resist the urge to quote Tolkien.)

__________
*Here is, again, where I lament that English lacks a plural form of "you". I don't know if Japanese has one, but I got really used to having it in Chinese. :)

Tonya said...

You are definitely doing the right thing. Wowser, I'm so excited to hear all about your adventures!!! Go forward with faith, friend. I know there are many, many that are praying for you and Quinlan. All is well.

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