Friday, November 14, 2008

I Miss Her

I'm missing my mom so badly right now. She was the BEST, and I wish you all had gotten to meet her.

I think of how we all brag about and are so proud of our own kids, but I think if my kids were to live in your house, you wouldn't find them all that spectacular. You'd think they were just kids, but the reason I can brag about them so fully is because they are the perfect kids for me. They meet my needs as far as what I need to learn in this life. They are a personalized gift to me from God.

So, if you had gotten to meet my mom, you might just have thought of her as "just a lady in the ward" or "that nice lady in the house down the street," but to and for me, she was perfect.

I was born as her fifth child. From what I understand, I was a mistake. My mom was a month away from turning 41 when I was born. She wanted a large family as she had been raised an only child but hadn't been able to have kids for sixteen years--they adopted two during that time. She told me that when she was pregnant with me the color pink was so beautiful, and after having three boys, she prayed and prayed for a girl. I used to love this story when I was a little girl. It made me feel so special.

I understand now that much of my life's purpose was to be a friend to my mom. We were so close. She was probably the easiest person to get along with of anyone I ever knew. On that, I think you'd agree with me.

At the end of her life, it was so interesting to know her needs without her being able to tell me. We were somehow connected in deeper ways than I had ever understood before. I was grateful to be able to help care for her. What a blessing that was and continues to be in my life.

The other day, as I left to take the kids to school, A, wearing his super hero cape and carrying his pirate sword, said, "I'm Mom's guard." This melted my heart and made me realize even more that we really are tied together for each others good. Isn't it great to love and be loved?! Family really is part of our Heavenly Father's plan for all of us. Sometimes this just seems so clear.

13 comments:

Heidi A. said...

Julie,
Thank you for this beautiful post. You had me in tears.

Thanks for reminding us all of what matters most!

and...thanks for your kind comment on our list http://MormonMomsWhoBlog.blogspot.com
It was very appreciated!

Hugs.........

Jan said...

Julie, this is such a beautiful tribute to your dear mother. I can't imagine how you must miss her so. She sounds wonderful. A woman to be lucky to be a daughter of. You cared for her. What an experience and example of love. How old was she when she passed?

You may not have been expected to be born, but I bet that you were the joy in their lives. I was a close to her age when I found out about my daughter being in my tummy. But she has been the best thing that ever happened to our family. I am blessed to have her. I know that is the connection you felt with your mom. :) Take care Julie.

Messy Jess said...

This is just so sweet.

Jen said...

Ah Julie, I REALLY needed to read this because I posted about my drama queen today and you made me stop and "smell the roses" and remind me of the beautiful girl I do have! And BTW, your mom is BEAUTIFUL. You brought a tear to my eye.

Shauna said...

What a beautiful post! ♥ Hugs!

heather said...

THis is such a heartwarming post. Mothers are so wonderful.

and the concoction that truly kicks a cold is made on orange juice (or lemonade -but I like the o.j.) only what will fit in a mug, a regular size one -then a half a tablespoon (more or less as you can handle) and honey. all warmed up and drink it hot. But I have to warn you it is TOUGH to swallow. I can only manage four to five swallows. This is probably why I've had this cold for a couple days. Time and again I have watched my husband -who can down the whole mug- drink this, lay around for a day and be 100% the next.

Alyson said...

*hug*

I know there are exceptions, but... Almost all of us do or will miss our mothers. They have such a special place in our lives. (And it is such an honor to fill that role for my little ones!) But my heart aches for you, because you are still so young and there are times when you still need your mommy (so to speak). I'm certain she's in heaven watching over you and yours, praying for you, pleading for you.

Loving you.

Camilla Millar said...

Wow, I am so sorry that she's not with you anymore. . . . here's to the eternities!

Stephanie said...

This is a fantastic post. My mom, too, seems ordinary to most people but is really borderline celestial. Thanks for dropping by my blog. (And I think we probably have more Mom's guards than we know... I imagine your mom is one of yours.) It's nice to "meet" you. Hope to see more of you. :)

vaxhacker said...

A beautiful tribute to a beloved mother. Thanks for letting us share that moment with you.

Darilyn said...

This is beautiful Julie. I liked learning a little bit more about her.

D.J. said...

mom,

If I could I would bring her back just for you. I love you. You are perfect for me too.
:DJ

Deanna said...

Julie, I love reading your blog! You are an amazing woman! Thank you for all that you are, and all that you do. You are an inspiration & example to us all.

I loved learning about your mom; thank you for sharing. I have no doubt that she was wonderful in every way, because that's how you are too.

And DJ's comment... made me cry ~ so very sweet :)

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